I Live In a Sexless Marriage

I don't live in a sexless marriage anymore, but I used to. In fact that was what brought me to EP and so on to here.

I am now divorced and in a new relationship.

The lack of sex was a symptom rather than a cause of my marriage break down. Like many others here I found solace in online "fun" but ultimately found that unsatisfying. I also thought I had fallen in love online but it was an empty fantasy.

This is what I learned.

I realised online relationships rarely last. The fantasy is alluring and we project upon the other all the unfulfilled fantasies of our empty marriage. But the reality is that relationships, ALL relationships, are hard work. You have to be able to communicate about difficult issues and if you can't communicate then any relationship will fail whether it is online or real world. But the benefits of a loving honest relationship are soooo worth it!!

Also, infidelity is never the answer. The excitement of those secret phone calls and messages is so alluring but it is not the basis for anything other than a cheap affair.

Ironically enough I met my current partner via online dating but we met in real life after only about a week of messaging. I count our relationship as starting from our first date which was in real life!

Yes there is life, love and amazing sex after sexless marriage, don't give up hope but beware the false allure of an online relationship.

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PoetryNEmotion · F

I am in agreement that a true love on-line that lasts forever is rare, but it does exist. I know at least six couples who met on-line on EP and have successful marriages currently. The individuals have to be very open and honest and committed for it even to have a chance. On-line relationships required open communication as well. Stats indicate that 1/3 relationships that result in marriage started on-line. I am happy that you found your partner finally. Another person who left a sexless marriage gives hope and proves that one can be happy leaving that kind of unhappy relationship. Congratulations.

SW-User

@PoetryNEmotion I am probably just a bit cynical about online relationships...Thank you for your reply :)

PoetryNEmotion · F

@SW-User You have that right. There are many who pretend and aren't really interested in relationships on-line. And many here are in sexless marriages, and, so, SW gives them a place to play and to indulge in fantasies. You are welcome. I also came to EP while in a sexless marriage. I ended it 5 years ago by divorcing the ex. I recognize how important and liberating freedom and love is. Enjoy!

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion Add me and my GF to your list of those who met online and turned our lives into a lasting love affair eventually living together and begin open to other lovers also.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@polyandrym66 I already know that. How about writing a story here saying how you lived a sexless marriage and then became free? Your love story would be proof to others that freedom and happiness is possible. Thank you if you do.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion Hmmm.. I just thought I was in such a minority that most SW'ers would not be interested.. I'll consider it. Thanks for the idea and encouragement..

PoetryNEmotion · F

@polyandrym66 Even if there were a handful of us who were free, Poly, it would help others to hear our stories. So many people here post in the Sexless Marriage forum. They feel so hopeless and a score of emotions all of which we were, in the past, so familiar with. When someone posts that they are free and happy (whether with or without a partner), it gives real hope to the others still "stuck" in a sexless relationship. I have found even the thought that something real and fulfilling existing helps them to make changes. And if I can give anyone that, then I will gladly post and fight for freedom and for happiness. You are welcome. There is a posting for being free like this in the forums.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion I'm looking at the groups available (since I cannot create any).. and there are very few members in: sexually satisfied
found my mate
LDR
finally happy

Some more in : poly
but I suspect that folks in sexless marriages/relationships will not be reading in "poly" groups..

Any suggested groups for a story of how to find a way our of the rabbit hole?

PoetryNEmotion · F

@polyandrym66 I posted on it. I will find it for you. I think it is something like I Am Free From A Sexless Marriage. Let me check. My story will be there. BRB.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@polyandrym66 I found it. I Left A Sexless Marriage and I Have No Regrets. Only 7 people in it. But there are more who have left. I know more than 7. Wouldn't it be nice to make that a major forum here? Thanks, Poly.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion I found it:
https://similarworlds.com/740768-I-Left-A-Sexless-Marriage-And-Have-No-Regrets/1269826-Read-these-words-Credit-to-Raging-Rhetoric-Look

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion I see, in reading those comments from you there, that you do not believe that a bi-sexual man can love a woman totally as his partner..
That limits your choices, though we (bisexual men) are in the minority. As a result of our more diverse sexual interests (not all of us are GAY), we are more sensitive and compassionate than most straight men.. I hope that you have learned this by now..

PoetryNEmotion · F

@polyandrym66 I realize you read much of what I write here. I thank you for that attention. I have never met a true bisexual man. I only know gays who pretend to want women. Most of these men are desperate for sex (they are in the older age range). I will take your opinion on your bisexuality. My choices are certainly not limited. There are plenty of wonderful straight men around. I will believe in bisexuals in the true definition when I actually meet one. I do thank you for your thoughts, polyandrym. I do read your comments here as well. Have a good day.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion Thanks for your honest. I appreciate it and your opinions and experiences that you share here on SW...
I wish you the very best in your life..

PoetryNEmotion · F

@polyandrym66 I appreciate your honesty and thoughtfulness too. I wish you the same. I am moving forward better currently.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion Glad to hear that you are moving forward and not stuck..
My suggestion is that you be a little more open to new ideas in your future..

PoetryNEmotion · F

@polyandrym66 I am as open-minded as I can be.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion Good for you. Lots of doors will open for you that way. And you will be very happy trying new things..

PoetryNEmotion · F

@polyandrym66 I always try new things. Thanks for the chat.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion Keep it up and stay happy..