Getting on with life

The past few weeks have been a blur, getting my wife organised in dementia care, with organising all her clothing (that works for her now.. Buttons are an issue to start with) and helping the staff get her to settle in a routine. They have actually been so successful that at times she treats my visits as an interruption. Its confusing, because I have no idea about her reality now. Its simpler to just nod and agree..
But over Easter I have had the family come and help me clear out the downstairs master bedroom walk in robe and bathroom, so I can move myself down there soon. Just need to get a better shower screen fitted.. My wifes hoarding of clothes, shoes and other assorted purchases made movement in any of the rooms impoosible. But 3 SUVs fo the Salvationn Army, a trailer and one SUV to the local tip and a dozen garbage bags to a local dumpster and Its cleared.. I feel like its progress. And i wont miss those stairs...😷

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dancingtongue · 80-89, M

Been there, done that, and it may be a blur but that is a lot of progress. Congrats. Dementia being the primary reason for the move, how much you could disrupt her routine probably was limited. But it was good advice from the staff. Dementia wasn't the issue with my second partner, but the Assisted Living staff gave me the same advice. I unfortunately didn't listen to them, and picked her up and brought her home for a few hours the first week thinking it would ease the transition. Never happened. Became the expectation.

As for all the accumulated stuff: it was simple with my late wife. Like you, I brought the family together, daughters-in-law got to take any jewelry or clothing they wanted, west went to St. Vincent dePaul. Since my second-partner was a blended household and she had grown kids, grandkids and young great-grand-kids, I have been hesitant to force the issue and begin donating and discarding. Her family expresses interest, then doesn't follow through. Son and his wife have taken some stuff. Grandson has expressed interest in some stuff. I have carted about five big bags of clothing to St. Vincent. But her old office has become the junk room for most of the rest.

whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

@dancingtongue I get it. I have told all th family to take anything they want, but ask first in case I needed it. Some I will hang onto for now. I have two fully equipped kitchens worth of pots, pans crockery and cutlery that can wait until the grandkids move out of home to go to a good cause.. And an airfryer I never knew we had, still unopened in a box..But I will keep her expensive gift watches safe for now. They can be sold with all of mine when the time comes..😷

dancingtongue · 80-89, M

@whowasthatmaskedman Ah, the assortment of pots, pans, kitchen appliances, dishes and cutlery. My late wife had a restaurant and catering service when we married and while we didn't entertain that much, she liked to have enough for big family holiday dinners. So enough stuff to sit 20+ and a full array of cooking appliances and equipment; some in duplicate or even triplicate as she found ones she preferred. Add to that what my second partner brought with her. Add to that some of the antique stuff -- would you believe a bread knife my mother bought from Montgomery Ward's during the Great Depression that still beats anything on the market? Wine glasses my grandmother got as a wedding gift in the 19th century? -- and special occasion stuff -- hand-blown glassware from Tlaquepague and the commissioned pottery dinnerware to match -- and, well, you get the idea. Add four large book shelves of cookbooks. Now both of my sons, and both of my second partner's sons, love to cook. But do you think I get any of them to take any of it? They prefer their own. I like to cook as well, but you really don't need that much to cook for one. And the cats prefer theirs straight from the can or bag. I undoubtedly could find somewhere to donate some of it. But those are the things that carry so many memories of my wife of 43 years, let alone prior generations of both of our families.

whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

@dancingtongue I am fortunate not to have the generational history, with both our parents arriving with us as migrants. But my wife was a great "acquirer"😷