What's the best way to break up with someone you're not in a relationship with?

We met on an app. We've been dating long distance for a few weeks. I told him I was only interested in dating with the intention for marriage and children. He said he was too, but he can't be sure of where we stand until we've actually spent some time together in person, so we talked about him coming to visit. Since then he's been dragging his feet about making solid plans. I finally forced him to pin down a date and he's looking into flight costs. Anyway, I just had this epiphany that having him visit will be a disaster. He doesn't want this to be serious because if he did, he would be the one pushing things forward instead of me. I want to call things off but suggest that we remain friends. We have a lot of shared interests, values, and cultural background. What's the best way to do this? I don't want to have some big blowup, and I don't want him to see this as an ultimatum. I've made my decision.

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hartfire

Having a lot of shared interests, values, and cultural background is a major plus. I wouldn't be so quick to write off someone with that much in common. It doesn't come along very often in life.

I don't think your thought about his procrastinating is an epiphany or an insight. It's an interpretation; you're giving a specific meaning to the facts, but in reality it's impossible to know why he's delaying. There could be all sorts of reasons.
Please check within yourself whether you have a tendency to distrust and doubt.
Does his delaying remind you of any past disappointments?
If so, is it based on past relationships or does it go way back to childhood experiences in your family of origin?

The only reason that the visit would be a disaster would be if you didn't arrange the situation in a way that keeps your boundaries safe.
It's better if he doesn't stay at your place,
or if he does he stays on the sofa.

It's at least worth meeting to [i]find out[/i] if he is fisshing or genuine.

But if you still feel certain about breaking it off,the just state it exactly as you have above.
It's clear that you are not presenting him with an either/or demand.
You're making it clear that he has already dithered for far too long
and that within you this has triggered serious doubts.

Honesty is always the best. It allows him to learn from his mistakes.

blindbob · 41-45

@hartfire how could i arrange the visit to protect my boundaries?