She wants to break up to "not hurt me"...but she knows I have BPD...she knows I don't wanna break up and breaking up would hurt more than simple arguments...I wanna die...my BPD is killing me...
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You can't let your happiness depend on someone else. That is unrealistic. It's a shame you have that disorder but it isn't her responsibility to base her choices around you. You gotta realize that and be aware of how you react to others