Who decides what is "fair" in a divorce?

and you're speaking from the deep wisdom of how many years married?

@firefall: I'm speaking of God's words, do you deem yourself to be wiser than your creator?

@MartinTheFirst: Yes, I do. I knew my creator, he was a lousy drunk.

She is working on being happy. Stop giving her poor advice. She needs change. She has obviously tried everything. And stuck with it far too long. She is moving forward, positively. Be kind, Martin. Marriages are not often forever.

@firefall:
Then you and I have nothing to discuss.


Poor advice? You do not decide what poor advice is.
A marriage is meant to be worked on, not given up.
It does not matter what is "common", what matters is what is Right.
It may hurt you people who have divorced your past husbands, but do not tell yourself or a man of God that divorces are justified, because they are not.

@MartinTheFirst: I agree

@PoetryNEmotion: Also, sorry if I seem upset, I am not.

@MartinTheFirst: I waited for 16 years for the problem to be fixed... it wasn't until I said I was leaving that he actually tried to change his ways. But it didn't last his manipulation continues just under a diffrent pretext now. This is the same man that stood before your God and vowed to honor protect cherish and love me forever. Yet when I was in my darkest days... I confess to him that my depression had led me to self harm. His response you're f****** crazy. Is that who you're a God wants me to be married to?

@Belovebelight:
It's not about waiting for it to solve, it's about working on it until it solves.
May it be 16 years, may it be 40 years, you need to solve it and I would wish that you did.
You're going through some problems, but people change all the time, and he can change for the better too.
It's sad that you two have gotten so far away from each other, and that he hurts you, and that he doesn't understand your feelings, but you married each other for a reason.
You loved each other, I bet you still love each other, and you can solve this and love each other in the future as well.
My God wants nothing but the best for his people, and he wouldn't tell us to stay in our marriages if he knew that it would be impossible for us to do so.
It is possible for you to solve it, everyone goes through hardships in their relationships, as well as long phases where they believe the love is over, but it is not. Because good times comes and goes, and for all the pain you've suffered, you'll feel twice the amount of happiness once you're out on the other side with your partner.

@MartinTheFirst: You speak from a life of little experience and from a book of religious zealotry. How dare you say she should stay in a miserable union? God, if he exists, would not want this. I do not approve of people who claim to be religious and demand others -meaning every single person on this vast earth- be religious. When you become older and wiser and have lived life, perhaps you will speak with a wiser tongue. Even a "god" would know when to change a life that is clearly damaging. I do not care whether you are upset or not, the poster of this question is seeking advice. And she is moving towards positive change. Her husband is a brute. And his treatment of her is certainly horrifying and uncharitable and unloving. I think you can understand that. His behaviour is unhusbandlike. Religious zealots help no one but themselves. That is why only religious zealots join religious zealots.

And vows that are not upheld because a person doesn't love or help or trust the one that one is married to are worthless. People say them lightly. They then think that treating someone horribly and abusing them or cheating is just fine and Christian-like. That is beyond words. Staying in a union which is unhappy, unhealthy, and miserable which has been worked on is just plain stupid.

@PoetryNEmotion: My parents have been through all of this, therefore I've been through all of this that this woman is mentioning as well. Not to the emotional extent, not to the details she has experienced, but to a very similar situation.

My parents moved away from each other after a long time of us fighting, I was fighting a lot between them as well. I protected my mother, and she protected me (verbally). We moved away for a year, it was nothing better. Our living situation was poor after going away from my father, and she was sad every day as she still loved him.

We moved back after a year, it didn't solve when we moved back, but it was still better than being divorced, both for my part, and as I noticed, for my mothers sake as well. As I grew older, my father started to understand more and more what he was doing to us, I started to tell him what was on my mind, and it has now become very calm (part from some weekends, it's nothing too bad though, it's easily handled and will only get better from now on).

Now my mother is happier, and my father is happier, and they still love each other as 50-60 year olds.
I helped them stay together, as I asked her to stay with my father.

Take it easy my friend, you do not know what I have been through.

____________________

God do not want her any harm, not him either, however he do want them to stay together and solve it for their own sake, that is what is said in the bible after all.

I am giving her my advice, you do not see me harassing other people's experience and opinions and religious views, so please collect yourself. I get to talk from my own position in life, take it for what it is, if you believe it is bad advice then go ahead and block me, but I will not keep quiet because some woman thinks her opinion goes above my own.

I know what I believe, I know what my God wants us to do, and I am here to help.