The rear view effects

This Thursday will officially be 2 months since we last spoke and a single day hasn't passed without me thinking of them. Somedays, I feel so empowered and pat myself on the shoulder for making the choice to walk away and on other days, I feel my heart ripping through my chest. I keep hoping that they reach out but praying they continue to keep their distance and let me heal. I am scheduled to fly home in December and before we spilt they knew about my plans to be home for the holidays. I keep hoping that they reach out and we meet up and have a conversation but deep down I know this wont change a thing and I'd just make matters worse.

On the other hand, I feel like when I return here after the holidays without them making contact, I'll finally be in a place where I fully accept things for what they are and truly move on. I believe then id be in a position to push back should they ever choose to reach out in the future.

Right now, I'm really missing them.