How to tell my boyfriend I kinda don't want to marry him next year?

He is very excited about it but the truth is that as much as I love him the situation is kinda funny.
1.We didn't met yet because we live on different continents
2.We will meet soon but he won't even stay the whole year with me, because he has to go back, and break the news to his parents who believe I will move in US (but that's not in our plan)
3.He will stay like 2 months with me, he will be gone for 2 months and come back again but I am kinda afraid of all this.
I know him since a while, more than 2 years and I don't want to lose him but I am too childish and I feel unprepared for this.

Many bad things happen in my life and I have to take care of everything, not to mention the money issue, I'm going to start my business in a few months and is going to be HECTIC.

I just want to delay it a bit.I want to spend more time with him, I would marry him anyway but I don't like being "rushed".

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LadyGrace ·

Honey, this is a major life decision, and one you admit you're not ready for. That's good you're really in touch with your feelings. You must never go against your gut feelings. Always be true to yourself. You come first. You have made good plans for your life. Stick with them. I'm not saying the following would happen, but in reality, the possibility is there and I wonder how you would feel emotionally if you became pregnant. That is not unrealistic at all, then you'd be left raising a baby for 18 years and that would make a hug alteration in your life. I feel you're headed for heartache even by allowing him to come for two years, then be ripped from your life again for who knows how long. But that's just me.

Fabiola · 26-30, F

I am a virgin who doesn't plan to have sex before marriage, so that's not really a concern right now.

LadyGrace ·

@Fabiola: I'm not judging you, but that is just not looking at things realistically. Nobody plans it, but there are times when in the heat and passion of the moment, you just don't care. That's why there are so many that had good intentions and plans, but they backfired and ended up with so many teen pregnancies. But not just teens. This can happen to anyone. By you not wanting to hurt him with the truth, you're putting his priorities over yours. That's not being true to yourself, nor honest with him. He'll appreciate you so much more and have a lot more respect for you for telling him the truth before he makes big plans to come to you. He must be told sooner, rather than later. For both your sakes. I'd rather hear the truth, then be left in the dark. He loves you. He's not going to bite your head off, if he's mature. He deserves to know the truth. What he does with it, is not your responsibility.

Fabiola · 26-30, F

I know you aren't judging me, and I know it can happen but are really against anything before marriage because it would get us involved into something that ...we should not get involved in unless we want to get hurt.
I think we both had many opportunities to say yes to that with other people but we didn't. I am just AFRAID he would feel betrayed.
What if I lose him? I don't want to lose him.
I hope he will understand once we meet how things are actually moving.Maybe his parents will play a part in the slap back to reality.

LadyGrace ·

@Fabiola: I want to see you and this man you love, together, so this being the case, you must absolutely tell him the truth now. You can word it in a way that won't hurt him. He needs to know now exactly how things are, so he can adjust and/or make changes. Without communication there is no relationship, and if he would leave you over you telling him the truth, then I'd be questioning whether this is a stable relationship or not. Good way to find out. Hard, yes...but the mature thing to do. The best predictor of future behavior, is how he'll react now.

Fabiola · 26-30, F

@GraceFromEP: Thanks.I will.It's hard but I will.

LadyGrace ·

@Fabiola: If you want, I could help you with the letter. I am a retired legal secretary and I could proofread your letter or make tweaks where needed, and make sure it comes across in a way that will not hurt his feelings.