When you love a stranger
... So I've been visiting with some of my girlfriends recently, and oh my god, it is so revitalizing! I don't know why I allowed myself to become an island for so long. Well, in the midst of this... I become curious about the guy that I was seeing... "A.J." I couldnt get him off of my mind.
No matter how good my life was without him, I missed him. And I was confused about why he had pulled back when everything felt so right. Like literally EVERYTHING felt right. Like we had each found our person.
Anyways, while talking with my mom, and telling her about all of the weird avoidance that he was doing in the relationship and how when we first started dating I googled his name and nothing came up, she was like that's probably not his real name. I figured he gave me a nickname and maybe there was a longer spelling version out there somewhere. But when I tried what could be possible, nothing showed up.
And he had told me that he was a doctor... so typically those names pop up on a search.
Not going to lie, part of this mystery intrigued me while we were dating. I had this morbid curiousity, and joked with my friends that I was dating a serial killer. ...they had never met him either, only knew him from my stories.
Anyways, once we were completely done, I had the bright idea to look up who actually owned his house online, because he had said that he did... when I looked it up, there was a completely different name on the deed.
So I looked up that name in google... low and behold his picture showed up... along with some articles about a felony that he was charged with.
It was difficult to see, but it also gave me some relief. It made me realize that the issue was not with me. He wasn't trying to escape because he had "gotten what he wanted from me". He had talked about how he wished he had known me earlier in his life. And how his family would love me. And how he wishes he could tell me more, but he was afraid.
I get it all now.
He was never expecting our thing to go anywhere, and when it did it caught him off guard and he didn't know how to un-spin the web of lies he had created. They weren't big lies. Most everything he said was true.
But how do you go back and tell someone that your name is not your real name and that you were charged with a felony in your past?
So hard stuff... I get it.
No matter how good my life was without him, I missed him. And I was confused about why he had pulled back when everything felt so right. Like literally EVERYTHING felt right. Like we had each found our person.
Anyways, while talking with my mom, and telling her about all of the weird avoidance that he was doing in the relationship and how when we first started dating I googled his name and nothing came up, she was like that's probably not his real name. I figured he gave me a nickname and maybe there was a longer spelling version out there somewhere. But when I tried what could be possible, nothing showed up.
And he had told me that he was a doctor... so typically those names pop up on a search.
Not going to lie, part of this mystery intrigued me while we were dating. I had this morbid curiousity, and joked with my friends that I was dating a serial killer. ...they had never met him either, only knew him from my stories.
Anyways, once we were completely done, I had the bright idea to look up who actually owned his house online, because he had said that he did... when I looked it up, there was a completely different name on the deed.
So I looked up that name in google... low and behold his picture showed up... along with some articles about a felony that he was charged with.
It was difficult to see, but it also gave me some relief. It made me realize that the issue was not with me. He wasn't trying to escape because he had "gotten what he wanted from me". He had talked about how he wished he had known me earlier in his life. And how his family would love me. And how he wishes he could tell me more, but he was afraid.
I get it all now.
He was never expecting our thing to go anywhere, and when it did it caught him off guard and he didn't know how to un-spin the web of lies he had created. They weren't big lies. Most everything he said was true.
But how do you go back and tell someone that your name is not your real name and that you were charged with a felony in your past?
So hard stuff... I get it.
31-35, F
