Are my reasons valid for wanting to end this friendship?

Everytime I’m around my friend my stomach begins to hurt, because I’m realising she’s just a user and a mooch and a leach. She can just begg for money or help from me and people like me but I would never have a good friend to depend on. She literally keeps everyone in her pocket to use them. I helped her make extra money and everyday she blows the money, then calls me begging and asking for more rides and more help. Then because I have a big heart I end up giving in. In my head I’m asking where does this end that a big grown 400lb woman with a husband is depending on a woman younger than her that’s single. I could never get away with this I could never begg from anyone. Also like the true narcissist that she is when I say no she just goes through her contact list full of people to use. She even is now offering my service to her other user friends. Last night while I was in the car with her my intuition was screaming to just cut her out my life, and ghost her block her, block her family and friends. I have tried to end the friendship with her but it’s like she can sniff it out, and she will say how greatful she is for my help. I feel like it’s all manipulation to keep people around to use. Also she’s not much help because she goes with me to do deliveries at night since I’m a black woman in the south sometimes I don’t feel safe at night taking orders alone. Everytime someone yt says something racist to me she never defends me, or has my back. I don’t expect her to cause a scene she could just tell them that’s not right. You know defend the black woman who is helping you and making sure you have money, food, and car rides almost everyday. Last night was the drawing straw I was driving through a parking lot and two white men said “ I hate black girls” in a loud megaphone. I can’t make this sh*t up. So I turned my car back around asked them what they said to me when I drove by and they lied and so no ma’am. Funny this is my friend is the one who heard it loud and clear told me and then got in front of those two white men and turned her back on me. Almost like she gets joy in seeing my scared or humiliated. So I just want to stay to myself I can help, feed, and save people and they still will not have my back. I’m jist being used. Never again. Also I already explain to her that she does this everytime and I’m suppose to be her friend and she says she just doesn’t want any conflict because she doesn’t want to lose her disability check that she blows every month. Lol

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Luckylu · 61-69, F

After what you wrote here and you still can’t decide, make a list of the pros and cons of being her friend. Keep that list by you the next time she calls on you and ask yourself, “Do you want to add yet another thing to that list?” If it is positive then sure, if it is negative, then why should you?

Your other option is make up something feasible that you need help with, call her and ask for her help, if she turns you down, you have your answer. It is her ending the friendship, not you. You just choose to accept it and move on.

in10RjFox · M

@Luckylu Yes.. that's another counter strategy to chase such people away. Maintain a record of borrowings and insult for every call and start giving instructions and get work done. E.g. Clean my toilet and house for $20. Clean my car if you need $10. And remember that.. and quote next day.. every time she calls make it an insult...

Like when she tries begging you to listen.. just make her pour out as much.. and say I am sorry.. can you repeat! .. I was not listening.. and in the middle of the call scream OMG! Something is burning.. I will call you back.. and hangup .. Make pissing her off your entertainment..

Stand next to a TV and keep the TV volume High .. and just act as if you don't hear anything..

Luckylu · 61-69, F

@in10RjFox that would be just lowering one’s self to a level, in my opinion, even lower than the so called friend. I do not play games and I do not recommend game playing as a satisfactory achievement for anyone. If you are of the type that this would make you feel good and think it is an admirable quality to have then by all means follow these suggestions, I expect doing so would not accomplish anything but misery for the person doing them. If I ever heard of anyone doing this who I was trying to befriend, I would steer myself clear of them. I value integrity and look for admirable qualities that support and encourage others not demean or insult them. I would rather keep my integrity and walk away, than respond in a childish manner such as you suggest . This would not be a good way to attract a good friend as they would like to have. This would just tell other people who would hear of these actions to just stay away as these actions would not be seen as anything attractive or admirable.

in10RjFox · M

@Luckylu modern life demands such action and behaviour as leeches live in such compassion and integrity of others and know how to use them. Ever dealt with a drug addict? They know everything about you and know how and when to usurp you. They know your limits but you will never know theirs.

Extreme steps are required especially to sever such relationships because they know how to creep into an mm of your compassion, dignity and know limits beyond which you won't stoop down .. they know how to trip or fall in front of you for they know your hand will come instinctively to save them.

And she is not attracting a good friend here but severing a bad disease in the name of friend. And she does not want a relapse.

Luckylu · 61-69, F

@in10RjFox I was not talking about attracting the person who is pretending to be her friend but others.

Your choices are yours. I just don’t agree with the choices you would make in this situation. I stated why that is and I’ll say no more, other than to say you are confirming my view of where humanity is heading.

I have dealt with psychopaths. I have indeed known an addict, I’ve dealt with users and manipulators and abusers. I have dealt with them all the same way I suggested in my original comment and because I have, I feel good about who I am. If I did as you suggested, I would soon hate myself for how I treated another human being even if they did me wrong. I live by my words and what is best for my soul. This life is hard enough without destroying my own integrity in the process.

in10RjFox · M

@Luckylu here we are advocating some measures to someone who is much younger who hasn't had much life experience of dealing with a creep.

It's hard like how a surgeon cannot fall for blood and have sympathy for the disease thrives in that sympathy.

Ask a surgeon who had to chop a feet or hand because of gamgerine. Would he say I would hate myself for treating a patient like that?