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The problem with relationships and chronic fatigue?

Spending time together is an element of my partner's day, after work, cooking, housekeeping, etc. For me it's the only highlight of the day, the only event that feels like I have a purpose, what I'm pretty much just waiting around for the rest of the day while she's busy with all those other things.

Of course I don't expect a healthy person to give up everything else, but this difference in perspective and meaning of "us time" tends to create enough friction to stop any bonding progress before it really gets anywhere.

That was my realization of today. Now I need to figure out how to deal with this. But first: sleep. (If I can put my thoughts on this on hold for long enough.)

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Saucylover · 26-30, F

Been there. It’s a form of codependency. I had it bad with my ex. We were together five years, and the highlight of my day was going home to lay in his arms, tell him about my day, and just love on him. I couldn’t seem to get enough of him.

He became verbally abusive the last year of our relationship. I remember craving that love he once shared with me. I remember what it felt like to be safe with him. I couldn’t seem to grasp that the love knew, the man I knew, was long gone. Addiction has corrupted his mind. He was a shell of the man I once knew. That codependency I developed clouded my eyes to what he had become.

I say all this to say that you need to have healthy boundaries and space. It’s good to enjoy your partner, but it’s unhealthy when that is the only enjoyment of your day. I’m sure your partner is amazing, but find something else that makes you get that same joy or something close to it. A healthy dose of space will only bring you closer together.

NerdyPotato · M

@Saucylover I'm sorry that happened to you. And yes, I realize such dependency isn't healthy for a partner or myself. I do have some other hobbies, but those don't help anyone else. So although they are enjoyable, they don't feel meaningful.

HootyTheNightOwl

This is exactly what I've been trying to tell my man for two years now. I just haven't been able to find the right words for it.

Yes, I know that work gets busy and he might not be able to chat to me then... or he might be too tired after work - but I really look forward to and enjoy the little chats we do have because they are the highlight of what would be an otherwise long and dreary day.

He doesn't understand how much I look forward to him finishing work so that we can just talk about the average day to day stuff - or things that I don't understand... if it matters to him, then it matters to me, too and I will try to find a way to understand.

Gangstress · 41-45, F

I think firstly they need to understand what youre going through. Yes i get it, it becomes dependent on them. And that's not fair on them. But there still needs to be understanding. Sorry you're finding it difficult x

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Gangstress · 41-45, F

@NerdyPotato no you shouldn't advise people to stay away. You just need to explain to them at some point itl become a dependency.
I am dependent on my partner when depressed. Luckily she understands.
Its tough having an ailment and especially when its physical bud. Dont be hard on yourself..i know that everyone isnt a twat and people do care. Its just finding them

NerdyPotato · M

@Gangstress thanks for your encouragement. 🤗 I just hope to find someone as understanding as you soon who isn't already taken or gay. 🤗

Gangstress · 41-45, F

@NerdyPotato big hugs bud 🤗 im sure you defo will

SW-User

The partner needs to understand your medical condition

NerdyPotato · M

@SW-User understanding is definitely a good start, but I don't that alone would make dating more successful.

Rilyn · 31-35, F

Iron deficiency is chronic fatigue. If a relationship does the same then it's obviously got to fix itself or you got to back out.

NerdyPotato · M

@Rilyn iron deficiency is only one of many causes of chronic fatigue. In my case it's a genetic condition and people do indeed tend to back out of a potential relationship before it starts.

Rilyn · 31-35, F

@NerdyPotato I suppose mines genetic and causes a few problems for me. Im not into toxic stuff. If you're toxic then I'm out.

NerdyPotato · M

@Rilyn I'm sorry you're dealing with chronic fatigue too.

Zonuss · 41-45, M

Health issues can cause problems in relationships for sure.

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

You found a partner? 🧐 It means that if you want it to work then you need to adjust, or else you need to let it go. They will never adjust.

NerdyPotato · M

@MartinTheFirst no, I haven't found one yet...

pancakeslam · 41-45, M

so in some postings you're a virgin and in others you're in a LTR

NerdyPotato · M

@pancakeslam I'm currently not in an online relationship, have been before (sort of?*), but have never been laid and didn't mention either experience here. So what's your point?

*It depends on what you call a relationship. Never made anything official, never lasted long, never got really far.

pancakeslam · 41-45, M

@NerdyPotato I was just asking for context so I can answer better.

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