Will it be a bad idea to ask this?

Tldr; I want to ask someone to check out a museum with me but I'm afraid she'll assume it's a date

Sooo there's this lady I met while I was in grad school but didn't know too much about her apart from small talk and all that, we met through my youth fellowship.

The day after I graduated she reached out to me which was weird because we had never texted before even though we had ecah other's numbers through the group chat, and told me that she loved my performance (I sang the national anthem at graduation) and wanted to meet up for coffee. I was still moving off campus into my new apartment so didn't really respond favorably but she was really insistent so we eventually did and had a great time/conversation. I kind of got the feeling that she meant it as a date but I didn't read into it or make any assumptions.

However I had already been on two dates with someone I met on a dating app at that point, and honestly to me our coffee chat felt kind of like a "friends" vibe.

So anyway long story short the woman I have been dating has been kinda flaky, idk. But she did give a reason (say her grandmother is in hospice care and so she had to fly home to see her) and I've toned down how much I text her because I really don't want to bother her (and also can't tell if that's just an excuse, people on dating apps are unpredictable).

Anyway, I only like to date one person at a time, even if it hasn't gotten to the point where you know each other to be exclusive. So I'm still definitely interested in the woman I met off the dating app, and want to keep that going until I'm absolutely sure she's not interested. Since the lady I'm dating left a week and a half ago I've been either hanging out with friends and/or taking myself on solo dates (going to the movies alone, trying new restaurants, etc)

Long story short I want to check out a Black History museum that the woman from my fellowship recommended and would love to check it out with her, because she seemed to know a lot about it. But I'm worried about giving the impression that I'm asking her out on a date. She's a really nice woman and honestly has a great personality, I definitely enjoyed talking with her and getting to know her, and so I don't want to play with her feelings at all. Would it be wise to still ask her to check it out with me or not?

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Roadsterrider · 56-60, M

I would say to ask her if she wants to go, agreeing to go anywhere with anyone could be considered a date. Two people doing something together is a date. If she tries to take it to the next level, "Hey, I'm not ready for that." is an easy enough response. Or just tell her you are involved with another woman and you don't play the field when you are involved. She will either respect your feelings which is good, or she will see it as a competition or as a failure for her, which is still good because then you know what kind of crazy you are dealing with.

somedude15 · 26-30, M

@Roadsterrider this makes sense. I guess my biggest thing I need to overcome is my need to please people. When people say your childhood trauma affects how you interact with all relationships in the future, I see it now. I've had trouble saying no to people and in this case my worry stems from the fact that I don't seem to think I have the right to say "no" if she insinuates something romantic.

Roadsterrider · 56-60, M

@somedude15 It isn't like she is going to get romantic in the museum I wouldn't think so anyway. Open with a conversation about what you expect, I am okay with a friendly relationship, but I am involved romantically.

RosaMarie · 41-45, F

I agree with the overthinking comment. (Although Val didn't have to be that much of an ass about it.) We've all been young and new at it. Take the girl with you, if she'll come. You'll get a friend. Or you'll get a head start on the next thing if flaky doesn't pan out. Or nothing will come of it, but you'll have a good time. Or she'll turn you down. Only one way to find out. Every one of those options is better than doing nothing.

hartfire

Life is far too short.
A woman's reproductive best is between 18 and 30; after that, her chances of abnormal foetuses and miscarriages increase every year.
If you date each prospect one at a time, it will take you a very, very long time to find your future sweetheart.

It sounds to me as though you've already cooled off the one you met on the dating site.

Being friends with a woman is not the same as dating.
But friendship prior to an intimate relationship is possibly the best predictor of long term success in a marriage or partnership. It means you probably share similar values and interests. I think it would be a mistake not to explore the possibility of something deeper with her.

The best thing would be just to invite her. If she says yes, explain your current situation to her and see how she reacts.

eyeno · M

just saying..,

Stop giving your outtings a title (date), and just go with the flow..., regardless nice to have nice people to spend time with.

dale74 · M

Why not take it easy and not be serious and just get to know different people and what you like and dislike maybe someone out there will be better than who you are with now.

Lilnonames · F

Ask her😋

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somedude15 · 26-30, M

@Valerian well yeah I am naive and still pretty inexperienced, can't deny that

Valerian · 100+, M

@somedude15 Without hestitancy, ask as suggested,.

Say her name in friendly tone, casually Mention the Venue, the Exhibit, the Times and the Dates.

Say to her,
"If that is Interesting you, [her name hear], I would enjoy having you accompany me to go see it with you during this coming Fortnite."

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