Why am I still mean to my ex?

You could be right here

We have friends in common. Actually we were friends before dating each other. I don't want him to affect me.

@MissingNotes: Maybe you'll be friends again someday but obviously not now. Sometimes it takes a few years. You can avoid him if you really want to. Make a point of it. If you want to go to a large social gathering, get a date to go with you and pay attention to him. You can even hire a guy from a dating or escort service if you have to. If It's a smaller gathering, just don't attend if you know he'll be there. You can also avoid him by arriving very early and then pleading another appointment and leaving when he arrives. Or having a friend call you to let you know when he leaves.

I know you'd like to be indifferent to him but you're not. So until you really, genuinely feel and can act that way, just don't see him. If you run into him unexpectedly, just be polite, only polite, and then leave as soon as you can.

@MissingNotes: I'd guess he doesn't mind because your attitude toward him shows him you still care. He assumes you'll run out of steam one day and then he can court you again and win you back. As long as you treat him like this, he will know you secretly have feelings for him. If you can't manage to show quiet, polite, but non- affectionate behavior around him and you really, really don't ever want him back, then avoid him.

Forgetting is possible, but only if you let go. One could say that every experience in life (good and bad) are unforgettable but that is not entirely true. It's been one year, you clearly haven't moved on, you say forgetting is not possible ... but it IS an option. Do you think you will forever bring up his memory for 'X' number of years?

But don't forget what you said; 'Why am I still mean to my ex? Even after I've already forgiven him?'

Clearly he isn't forgiven and you are harbouring thoughts. But then again, you don't declare that he did something catastrophic.

There's a difference between forgetting and forgiving isn't it?

@MissingNotes:
I can't say I agree in FULL. If a part of forgiving excludes forgetting, then is it right to call it forgiving? I get it, I get what you are saying. 'Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is another' but surely forgetting has to be the ultimate aim. If I was to forgive someone with no real ambition of forgetting what that person did, then I can't see how I can say I have forgiven.

I get what you are saying, I truly do. We can all carry on through our lives digging up old, bad memories and telling ourselves we can never forget and put it down to our memories. But surely, isn't life a whole experience which is blended with good and bad memories for us all to live with? Yet that doesn't mean to say that we spend half our lives getting on with things and the other half remembering (re-visiting) bad issues.

There are obvious exceptions; granted, and I don't even know what the guy did to hurt you. Only you know if it's a bad enough experience to say that you truly cannot forget the nature of what he did.

What's yours?

Question vs question?

I might have to get back to you on that one. It's a good question.

Makes sense

and by the way - we all think you're way too good for him!

haha, you don't know us, but thanks

Kindness is weakness?

Some people come up with really good answers that help me understand myself