Is it wrong to want a partners social media password to confirm infidelity? (Please read)

I’m pretty sure of the kinds of responses I’ll get anyway, however.... I do know that people are often very, VERY curious.

Not “curious” simply to be nosey but curious for that extra confirmation. Sometimes tangible evidence is necessary, especially when someone is continuously insulting your intelligence and gaslighting you to believe that what you’re saying and accusing them of just isn’t true.

[b]Edit;
I have all reasons to believe he’s doing wrong because he’s very flirtatious with women even in my face, so I can imagine in private. I have all reasons to be suspicious.
He turns his phone face-down when we are together, if we are sleep together and I wake up and he’s using his phone, he quickly x’s out whatever he’s looking at....[/b]

I know the saying goes “if there’s no trust , it’s over already” and that itself is usually obvious at that point...however....

Is it wrong to want access to a partners social media messages to help you walk away for good?

I’m the kind of person that would walk away as soon as I see a message DM confirming his infidelity.

Sometimes we stay because we don’t have proof and often times we have to “believe” their word. But what if someone’s word just isn’t good enough because their actions don’t quite align?

I admit, I am that person guilty of wanting to acquire a Instagram password because I know it’s a gold mine. Everything he’s ever lied to me about is in that inbox...

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DamnFeelz · 36-40, F

It’s usually better to just end it because if you’re right then your suspicions are confirmed and if you’re wrong then you violated the other person and their trust in you is broken. I’ve had a couple boyfriends now think they were entitled to rummage through my accounts. It was pretty insane. I can’t believe I put up with it all in an attempt to satisfy their insecurities, but at the end of the day if someone is looking for something they will find some reason to justify being upset and their behavior.

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@DamnFeelz yes it’s only wrong when there’s absolutely no reason , but I’ve been given all reasons to want to see those messages. It’s his movements, he hides his phone a lot, keeps it face down, takes the phone in the bathroom a lot, weird stuff like that... it’s just too much.

DamnFeelz · 36-40, F

That’s the thing, people always think they have a reason to justify what would otherwise not be ok. My exes thought they had ‘good reason’. Even after there was nothing in there I Which I can say, because they were my accounts and I know what I was and wasn’t doing Lo) they still manage to twist phrase or a joke as ‘proof’ they had right to be suspicious. Upon hindsight, I should’ve just broken up with them the moment they demanded my passwords out of self-respect, but that seemed like an admission of guilt.

In your case, if you’re seeing a lot of obvious red flags that his behavior is shady then you should just end it because whether he’s guilty or not, the way he conducts himself makes you miserable. Bare minimum, that’s a sign you’re not a good match. Myself for example, I will never again date a guy who is uncomfortable with people having platonic friends of the opposite sex. It’s not necessarily that I’m right and they’re wrong, but we have incompatible values in what we think is acceptable, so it would never harmoniously work.

At least if you end it without rummaging through his stuff then you can walk away from this relationship not looking like the crazy ex. For example, when I was younger I went through a boyfriend’s Facebook. My suspicions were correct and I left him, but even though I was right I still have to be accountable for my own actions that I’d let things get so absurd I became ‘that person who read their boyfriend’s DMs”. There’s no winners in that situation even though I was proven right. Would’ve been far better if I had trusted my gut about his behavior and left that relationship graciously, maturely..

@Mrowe718

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@DamnFeelz I agree with you, 100%. Bowing out gracefully is far better than letting insecurities get the best of me, I can’t deny that I want to badly just for myself, but it won’t make me feel any better.

DamnFeelz · 36-40, F

It won’t.. and even if you turn out to be right, you’ll still feel tarnished, less dignified. Think about it like this. In your next relationship eventually you guys will talk about your previous relationships. Do you want to explain to your next future boyfriend about how you went through your ex’s accounts? Even if you explain your whole side of things and the new guy tries to be understanding, you still look bad. @Mrowe718