Should I walk away from this “Situationship”? (Please read)

I’ve been dealing with a man who I’ve grown to love. We’ve been dealing with eachother for about 7 months so far... since summer (June 2019) and I mean, we do everything together. We go to the movies, dinner, lunch, we talk all night long, all day long, we’ve been intimate, he gives me lots of affection, forehead kisses, you name it. I’m very nurturing and affectionate with him as well. Super supportive of his music career and we talk about everything under the sun. We really bond well together. We walk hand in hand in public, therefore he’s not afraid of PDA, the only thing is, he doesn’t want a relationship but I do. No matter how many times I try to walk away, I’m pulled back in with the guilt trips and gaslighting. He would say things like “you probably want to end things because there’s someone else” or “I’m sorry I can’t give you want you want right now, I’m just not ready” and things of that nature but yet he acts as if he doesn’t understand how he played a major part in me catching these feelings. I even told him I was in love with him and he told me I wasn’t. I said how can you tell me how I feel? I am in love with you. He tells me he’s not ready for me to feel that way about him because he doesn’t want a relationship. He goes on and on about how he “just got out of a toxic relationship (in which he still keeps in touch with the ex) and he also uses his music career as a reason why he’s not ready, yet he wants me everywhere he goes. Also questions me about my inbox on social media and acts jealous if he thinks I’m talking to another guy. It’s confusing! I don’t know what to do. We have so much fun together but when it’s bad, it’s bad. He knows what I want and he knows that he wants to play the field, when I let him know that I know he doesn’t want commitment so that he can play the field he denies it, yet clearly want to appear single since he introduces me as his “friend” when people ask him who I am to him (women in particular). I know it’s pathetic for me to stick around given all this info, but it’s so complicated, because I know he’s emotionally unavailable, I just don’t know how to let go and go cold turkey on someone I’ve had deep feelings for.

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BalmyNites · F

Simple - he’s a narcissistic player who is having his cake & eating it. He’s told you plainly that he does not want to be in a relationship with you, yet you still stay around, so he’s getting what he wants. Don’t mistake his jealousy as a sign that he cares - he just doesn’t want to lose his FWB. If you stick around long enough, he will eventually drop you for a woman who will not allow herself to be used.

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@BalmyNites 😢 the scariest part of all is that I’ve been looking at “narcissistic personality disorder” and “borderline personality disorder” videos on YouTube often and he exudes literally all of the traits, on top of the fact that he’s desperate for fame and attention. I’ve been sucked into his web of lies, and no matter how much I KNOW he’s f.o.s, I still communicate with him. He’s successfully got in my head. He claims theres “no one else” yet flirts with women everywhere he goes, whether it’s his place of employment or somewhere he’s shopping. I’ve known him long enough to know his flirting habits even when they are subtle. When I tell him this bothers me, or even when I bring up things that hurt me, first he’ll say things like he apologizes for making me feel that way and he understands then on other days when he wants to avoid explaining himself, he hits me with the dreadful “well technically you aren’t even my girlfriend so I don’t have to explain myself”. So when I try and cut him off after saying things like that to me, he blows my phone up about how he doesn’t appreciate how abruptly I cut him off. I’m like “but I’m not your girl remember? So there’s nothing else to discuss. You go your way and I’ll go mine” that won’t be enough for him. He’ll tell me that it’s extreme for me to cut him off and why can’t we just be “friends” I said straight up... “friends” don’t do what you and I do! So if you want to be friends, I can’t be so available, going everywhere with you, answering to your every beck and call, being intimidate , etc. at first he said “you’re right” but then continues to manipulate me into believing I should still stick with him because of “how many good times we’ve shared”.

Sorry for rambling, I guess my question is...what’s the best method for letting go without any bad blood? Block and ghost? Let him know I no longer want this? Or just fade to the background? I don’t hate him because obviously he told me straight up what he didn’t want and I continued, nowhere he knows what he’s doing as well.

BalmyNites · F

@Mrowe718 I’m sorry, but “letting go without any bad blood” is not an option, because he will pull out all the stops to keep you there - NOT because he cares about you, but because he cares about HIMSELF & he needs to be in control of you, as that massages his ego & makes him feel powerful. So if you start breaking away, he will become nasty, manipulative, start crying, suicide threats - whatever it takes to get his way. Believe me, I was trapped in a circle like this for years, blinded by the lies & deceit & because I didn’t want to see the truth. You really need to get yourself away from this man, it will NEVER get better, in fact it gets worse. You will end up wrecking your life & possibly losing your sanity if you don’t start seeing it for what it is. He will quickly move on & find someone else, so don’t waste your life.

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@BalmyNites thank you for taking out the time to reply back, it’s greatly appreciated. I know that I have to walk away, and I will. I told myself I was going to leave him in 2019 and instead, I brought in the new year with him (literally). Worst mistake I could’ve made.

You are right, it will only get worse the longer I stick around. He will definitely get nasty because he’s done it before. There was a time where I ignored him for a little while because of something hurtful he said to me. One day we were hanging out and I walked away from him after a conversation we had where he stated that his main focus is his music, getting famous, Living his best life and f****ng women. That’s what he said to me and it made me sick to my stomach because I asked him how could he mention other women knowing how I feel about him? He told me to stay out of my feelings so I walked away and went home. That evening I began to ignore him so he sent me a nasty text message (Calling me a fake b**** and a s*ut) and told me I was breaking things off with him probably because I’m screwing someone else. That caused me to become disgusted with him and I wanted to end things because I was so upset and hurt that he could even say those things to me and below was his exact reply and “apology”. I would like to share it with you so you can see for yourself the type of mindgames and manipulation I’ve had to deal with. 💔

And even though he claimed he wouldn’t “bother me anymore” he continued to call me after receiving no reply from me. I admit after about a week or so of him being adamant, I gave in.
[c=#BF0000]
[b][i]Hey Melissa I'm really sorry for the way I've been acting lately, I don't know what it is maybe it's the frustration of what I'm going through, maybe it's me, maybe I'm crazy who knows. I would like to tell you I apologize over the phone but you must not want to talk to me. I didn't think we couldn’t talk, I didn't think we were that close to extinction and you chose to cut me off after something I said about living my life. I totally understand if you are looking for a relationship and are looking for someone to be in a relationship with. I am sorry I can't be that right now because I am not ready but I do apologize with my deepest condolences for ever disrespecting you because you have shown me nothing but support and love and lust LOL. I apologize for taking you for granted, I have been a loner for the past 2 years, not dealing with anyone so I guess I've gotten kind of weird. I see that you do not want to talk or exchange messages so I won't bother you anymore but I had to part ways with my apology.. if you would like to talk feel free to text or call me have a nice day[/b][/i][/c]

BalmyNites · F

@Mrowe718 All mind games hun! What you must keep in your head is, he is an actor playing a role. He is not speaking from the heart & he is not really upset at all. He has a lot at stake here, he stands to lose his punchbag after all! So he will fight to get you back under his control - saying whatever words he thinks will get to you. I’ve had tears, retributions, he tried to hack my accounts (bank, mobile phone, internet etc). He’s attacked me, he’s sent me nasty messages calling me all sorts of names, he’s even threatened that if I don’t reply he will take his own life. You MUST IGNORE IT ALL - because even the shortest text back or slight sign of weakness on your part & he will worm his way back in & ruin some more years of your life. You owe it you YOU to put yourself first & get rid of this low life liar for good 🤗😘

PS) The last thing I ever said to him was, that I promised him that he would never get to speak to me again in his entire life. I’ve stuck to that & so must you

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@BalmyNites thank you for the reply, I appreciate your words of encouragement. I will take all of the above into consideration, at the end of the day, I know things will only get worse. He is who he is, and in that narcissistic head of his, he does no wrong and doesn’t need fixing. He may “claim” he needs help but doesn’t do anything to get help. I’m tired and drained, I no longer wish to be seen as an “unofficial girlfriend” or a piece or meat, or just another notch under his belt.