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SW-User
@Mamapolo2016 and being unable to leave sounds more like a hostage situation than a relationship.
Mamapolo2016 · F
@SW-User No. There are many who are trapped, or are convinced they are trapped, which amounts to the same thing.
EmilyEdith · 56-60, F
@Mamapolo2016 Agree Mama, and it should not be on your priority list at all if that's your situation
SW-User
@Mamapolo2016 If you are trapped, then you're a hostage.
Mamapolo2016 · F
MethDozer · M
@Pikachu Because instead of just leaving your finding a crutch to make staying slightly more bearable. You're still choosing to subject yourself to abuse. If you are able to maintain an affair than you are able to leave the relationship as well. If you aren't able to leave then you wouldn't be able to cheat either.
@MethDozer
[quote]If you aren't able to leave then you wouldn't be able to cheat either.[/quote]
You're saying that with a lot of authority.
Can you substantiate that assertion?
What if you're a woman in some middle eastern country and you have no power as a woman. No way to make your living, no way to keep your kids, no power.
Does being able to keep an affair secret mean you suddenly have the ability to take your kids and leave? You might even be murdered. You might even be murdered by your own family.
We can name counter examples all day long so i think it's silly to make a categorical statement of the kind you just did.
[quote]If you aren't able to leave then you wouldn't be able to cheat either.[/quote]
You're saying that with a lot of authority.
Can you substantiate that assertion?
What if you're a woman in some middle eastern country and you have no power as a woman. No way to make your living, no way to keep your kids, no power.
Does being able to keep an affair secret mean you suddenly have the ability to take your kids and leave? You might even be murdered. You might even be murdered by your own family.
We can name counter examples all day long so i think it's silly to make a categorical statement of the kind you just did.
@MethDozer
This question wasn't "is it ever not safe to cheat". It was "is there ever an excuse to cheat".
You're not cheating yourself by having a source of happiness in an unhappy situation. Even if it's risky.
In fact, forgoing happiness on the basis that it's risky is cheating yourself.
[quote]If you're that controlled then you are going to get caught[/quote]
lol You seem to enjoy making declarations as if they are fact. You know that's not the case.
I'm sure you understand the difference between being able to leave the house for an hour or two and being able to permanently leave.
This question wasn't "is it ever not safe to cheat". It was "is there ever an excuse to cheat".
You're not cheating yourself by having a source of happiness in an unhappy situation. Even if it's risky.
In fact, forgoing happiness on the basis that it's risky is cheating yourself.
[quote]If you're that controlled then you are going to get caught[/quote]
lol You seem to enjoy making declarations as if they are fact. You know that's not the case.
I'm sure you understand the difference between being able to leave the house for an hour or two and being able to permanently leave.
MethDozer · M
@Pikachu I understand that. I'm saying it is still cheating yourself.
[quote]You seem to enjoy making declarations as if they are fact. [/quote]
as do you in that case. Your fact is it is justified
I'm expressing an opinion. Don't understand why some people need opinions to be explicitly labeled as such to understand them. It's redundant.
[quote]I'm sure you understand the difference between being able to leave the house for an hour or two and being able to permanently leave. [/quote]
Don't go back.
[quote]You seem to enjoy making declarations as if they are fact. [/quote]
as do you in that case. Your fact is it is justified
I'm expressing an opinion. Don't understand why some people need opinions to be explicitly labeled as such to understand them. It's redundant.
[quote]I'm sure you understand the difference between being able to leave the house for an hour or two and being able to permanently leave. [/quote]
Don't go back.
@MethDozer
[quote]as do you in that case. Your fact is it is justified[/quote]
Nope. I'm not declaring this as a fact the way you do when you say things like "If you're that controlled then you are going to get caught" or "If you aren't able to leave then you wouldn't be able to cheat either."
[quote]I'm expressing an opinion.[/quote]
Then express an [i]opinion[/i], don't state something as fact which you have no way of substantiating.
[quote]Don't go back.
[/quote]
Don't go back to your kids.
Live on the street.
Get murdered.
Privilege is a wonderful thing to have but you must recognize that it is not shared by everyone.
[quote]as do you in that case. Your fact is it is justified[/quote]
Nope. I'm not declaring this as a fact the way you do when you say things like "If you're that controlled then you are going to get caught" or "If you aren't able to leave then you wouldn't be able to cheat either."
[quote]I'm expressing an opinion.[/quote]
Then express an [i]opinion[/i], don't state something as fact which you have no way of substantiating.
[quote]Don't go back.
[/quote]
Don't go back to your kids.
Live on the street.
Get murdered.
Privilege is a wonderful thing to have but you must recognize that it is not shared by everyone.
jim44444 · 70-79, M
@Pikachu Wow @Jenni855 asked a hypothetical question to which you gave a hypothetical answer. And then the angry mob with their torches and pitchforks came hunting for you.
You are right in your scenario because it is not cheating. The contract or the vows (oh the holy [b]VOWS[/b]) was broken and rendered null and void by the abuser. Those who try to heap shame on the abused only wish to deny joy and happiness to another human being. They are worse than the abusers.
How is that for a closed minded, pig headed arguement?
You are right in your scenario because it is not cheating. The contract or the vows (oh the holy [b]VOWS[/b]) was broken and rendered null and void by the abuser. Those who try to heap shame on the abused only wish to deny joy and happiness to another human being. They are worse than the abusers.
How is that for a closed minded, pig headed arguement?
Mamapolo2016 · F
@jim44444 Just for the sake of clarification - I was not heaping abuse or shame - just pointing out that the two best ways to get yourself killed in an abusive relationship are: 1) Leaving and 2) Loving someone else.
jim44444 · 70-79, M
@Mamapolo2016 I know. However I would contend the best way to get yourself killed in an abusive relationship is to stay.
Yes my reply was deliberately over the top. This question and its variations appear frequently on social media and woe to those that say extramarital sex is justifiable. The problem exists at the relationship level and the question can only be answered within the relationship. No outsider can know the variables nor the best answer. It does not take a lot of thought to come up with many scenarios where extramarital sex could be justified. But it can only be justified or not by the people involved. The rest of us are just uninformed observers looking for a bit of entertainment.
Yes my reply was deliberately over the top. This question and its variations appear frequently on social media and woe to those that say extramarital sex is justifiable. The problem exists at the relationship level and the question can only be answered within the relationship. No outsider can know the variables nor the best answer. It does not take a lot of thought to come up with many scenarios where extramarital sex could be justified. But it can only be justified or not by the people involved. The rest of us are just uninformed observers looking for a bit of entertainment.