Why can't I leave my bf?

My boyfriend is very controlling, he hates it when I go see anyone including friends and family. He makes comments on the way I look and what I do and eat constantly.

He doesn't want me to have my own life, he wants me to solely rely on him financially so I have no independence whatsoever.

It's so so hard to leave, I feel like such a doormat. He provides for me and I wouldn't be able to sustain myself unless I go and get this degree he desperately doesn't want me to get. I'm sure he is cheating on me, he always has secret phone and secret dating profiles online even though I have never cheated.

Jesus Christ just why can't I leave him? I'm so scared of starting a new life on my own. I'm to embarrassed to talk about this with my family, I've always started strong for them.

I just need some strength and a clear head. I need to go study to find a better life and a good job that I love.

Had anyone else been in this position? I thought this would be a good life - a life without financial worries. Comes with a catch.

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ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M

It sound to me like you lack clarity. Try writing a couple of lists... on the first list name everything that would be easier/less stressful if you left. And on the second list write down everything that would be easier/less stressful of you stayed.

Take your time over it and don't be afraid to add to either list as new thoughts occur to you.

Then when you're done compare the lists and decide which life you want to pursue. The way he's controlling you and the way it makes you feel is keeping you a constant state of anxiety that's not letting you think straight. With and luck those lists might help you to see what's going on more clearly and come to a decision that's based on cold hard facts and reality rather than confusing emotions. Good luck.