Honestly, all I can do is comment like so many others on here. You can't change someone and the only way he can get help is if he wants it, if he decides to get it. If he's drinking and smoking and getting abusive in any way, he's not trying.
I understand there is a connection there and partially the fear of being alone can be overwhelming, but honestly being alone and being lonely are two different things. You need to take care of yourself, your well being comes first. If he truly loved you, he'd be making attempts to get himself together.
I know what depression, self doubt, being jobless can do to oneself. I know the inner voices that nag and berate and tear down and even lie about what is and isn't going on. I fight a few of those myself. BUT, I am getting help, I fight it, not for anyone else, but for myself. It took me a bit to get there. Also, I never was abusive, just withdrawn.
If he doesn't get help, he'll be no good to himself or you and I'm afraid it'll only get worse. Also, telling him he needs help will only get under his skin. No one wants to hear that. It's a fine line to try and get someone to see they need help with out it backfiring.
