Seeking advice - online dating
I meI met a guy recently on Tinder, about two weeks ago, and hit it off over text. At first, we had great text chemistry and texted back and forth for a few days about anything and everything before meeting for a drink. He told me that he was newly single for a month, and was back on the app - turns out we had chatted before a few months back but I don't remember. Anyway, being only single for a month, it kinda made me a feel a little strange - he also told me he didn't know whether he would be staying in the country, but when he asked to meet up one night, I decided to go. I thought we had a great date, we met for a casual drink, ha d a great chat and he kissed me afterwards and yes we had a bit of a make-out session but went our separate ways afterward.
Its been a week since then, and we've been in touch almost every day - texting back and forth about everything but I notice that he doesn't ask me questions about myself. He doesn't ask how my day is, I'm going overseas at the end of the week, and though I've told him I'm going, he hasn't asked me when I'm going. I've thought that maybe he just isn't a great texter in that way, and have given him the benefit of the doubt, but as the days have progressed I haven't seen that much improvement though he texts me a lot about things he finds online, thoughts he has etc. Anyway, to get around his non-question text style, I'v just been jumping into the conversation with info about myself anyway to keep the conversation flowing.
Anyway, the other day, after one text thread, he tells he has something to tell me- and proceeds to tell me he still lives with his ex. He told me his reasons for the break-up, I asked him whether he was open to meeting someone new - he said Yes. I asked him whether he needed space from me - he said No. He said there was no chance of him getting back with his ex and they were going to be moving out of the place in a few weeks. I didn't really know what to say but after acknowledging him telling me, I figured it was ok and told him, but since them I am having doubts. Doubts about whether I am just the 'gap' girl to fill in time, an ego-boost for the mean time, or whether there is real potential for this to grow into something. He told me the break-up was more like two months and there was no chance of a reunion. I am all for keeping an open mind, giving him space, and I am unsure if I am just setting myself up for a world of hurt with this man. He told me he'd see me this weekend but hasn't mentioned it to me yet. I am super busy this weekend writing an essay for uni so I guess its worked out, but it still conflicts me. Mainly because I am not sure if this is what I truly want.
From what I know of him, I like him a lot - we have a lot in common, and I feel that on an intellectual and physical level we could be super compatible. The texting feels like super con-dependence though -I have never texted so much with a man about everything. I have followed my heart before about someone and get it wrong even time, so I feel I can't trust myself with what I feel. I'm under no illusion that I actually like him, because I haven't been out with him again, and really it is nothing yet.
I have had a really hard time dating in the past few years and just can't seem to find a man to date me. Though I look in the mirror and see a pretty woman, I am smart, interesting, ambitious, hard working etc - I cannot get a man to like me, or date me I should say, as many men have dated me and want to hook up, or sleep with me.
But a real love relationship, eludes me. I lose so much confidence and am terrified that this guy, or any guy really, will see that - I second-guess everything - my texts, what I do - everything. I have been really hurt in the past, and am so nervous this will lead to another instance of me getting hurt. How do I protect myself? I made it clear that I was looking to get to know someone and knowing where I stand is important to me.
Does anyone have any thoughts?
Its been a week since then, and we've been in touch almost every day - texting back and forth about everything but I notice that he doesn't ask me questions about myself. He doesn't ask how my day is, I'm going overseas at the end of the week, and though I've told him I'm going, he hasn't asked me when I'm going. I've thought that maybe he just isn't a great texter in that way, and have given him the benefit of the doubt, but as the days have progressed I haven't seen that much improvement though he texts me a lot about things he finds online, thoughts he has etc. Anyway, to get around his non-question text style, I'v just been jumping into the conversation with info about myself anyway to keep the conversation flowing.
Anyway, the other day, after one text thread, he tells he has something to tell me- and proceeds to tell me he still lives with his ex. He told me his reasons for the break-up, I asked him whether he was open to meeting someone new - he said Yes. I asked him whether he needed space from me - he said No. He said there was no chance of him getting back with his ex and they were going to be moving out of the place in a few weeks. I didn't really know what to say but after acknowledging him telling me, I figured it was ok and told him, but since them I am having doubts. Doubts about whether I am just the 'gap' girl to fill in time, an ego-boost for the mean time, or whether there is real potential for this to grow into something. He told me the break-up was more like two months and there was no chance of a reunion. I am all for keeping an open mind, giving him space, and I am unsure if I am just setting myself up for a world of hurt with this man. He told me he'd see me this weekend but hasn't mentioned it to me yet. I am super busy this weekend writing an essay for uni so I guess its worked out, but it still conflicts me. Mainly because I am not sure if this is what I truly want.
From what I know of him, I like him a lot - we have a lot in common, and I feel that on an intellectual and physical level we could be super compatible. The texting feels like super con-dependence though -I have never texted so much with a man about everything. I have followed my heart before about someone and get it wrong even time, so I feel I can't trust myself with what I feel. I'm under no illusion that I actually like him, because I haven't been out with him again, and really it is nothing yet.
I have had a really hard time dating in the past few years and just can't seem to find a man to date me. Though I look in the mirror and see a pretty woman, I am smart, interesting, ambitious, hard working etc - I cannot get a man to like me, or date me I should say, as many men have dated me and want to hook up, or sleep with me.
But a real love relationship, eludes me. I lose so much confidence and am terrified that this guy, or any guy really, will see that - I second-guess everything - my texts, what I do - everything. I have been really hurt in the past, and am so nervous this will lead to another instance of me getting hurt. How do I protect myself? I made it clear that I was looking to get to know someone and knowing where I stand is important to me.
Does anyone have any thoughts?
41-45, F
