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Seeking advice - online dating

I meI met a guy recently on Tinder, about two weeks ago, and hit it off over text. At first, we had great text chemistry and texted back and forth for a few days about anything and everything before meeting for a drink. He told me that he was newly single for a month, and was back on the app - turns out we had chatted before a few months back but I don't remember. Anyway, being only single for a month, it kinda made me a feel a little strange - he also told me he didn't know whether he would be staying in the country, but when he asked to meet up one night, I decided to go. I thought we had a great date, we met for a casual drink, ha d a great chat and he kissed me afterwards and yes we had a bit of a make-out session but went our separate ways afterward.

Its been a week since then, and we've been in touch almost every day - texting back and forth about everything but I notice that he doesn't ask me questions about myself. He doesn't ask how my day is, I'm going overseas at the end of the week, and though I've told him I'm going, he hasn't asked me when I'm going. I've thought that maybe he just isn't a great texter in that way, and have given him the benefit of the doubt, but as the days have progressed I haven't seen that much improvement though he texts me a lot about things he finds online, thoughts he has etc. Anyway, to get around his non-question text style, I'v just been jumping into the conversation with info about myself anyway to keep the conversation flowing.

Anyway, the other day, after one text thread, he tells he has something to tell me- and proceeds to tell me he still lives with his ex. He told me his reasons for the break-up, I asked him whether he was open to meeting someone new - he said Yes. I asked him whether he needed space from me - he said No. He said there was no chance of him getting back with his ex and they were going to be moving out of the place in a few weeks. I didn't really know what to say but after acknowledging him telling me, I figured it was ok and told him, but since them I am having doubts. Doubts about whether I am just the 'gap' girl to fill in time, an ego-boost for the mean time, or whether there is real potential for this to grow into something. He told me the break-up was more like two months and there was no chance of a reunion. I am all for keeping an open mind, giving him space, and I am unsure if I am just setting myself up for a world of hurt with this man. He told me he'd see me this weekend but hasn't mentioned it to me yet. I am super busy this weekend writing an essay for uni so I guess its worked out, but it still conflicts me. Mainly because I am not sure if this is what I truly want.

From what I know of him, I like him a lot - we have a lot in common, and I feel that on an intellectual and physical level we could be super compatible. The texting feels like super con-dependence though -I have never texted so much with a man about everything. I have followed my heart before about someone and get it wrong even time, so I feel I can't trust myself with what I feel. I'm under no illusion that I actually like him, because I haven't been out with him again, and really it is nothing yet.

I have had a really hard time dating in the past few years and just can't seem to find a man to date me. Though I look in the mirror and see a pretty woman, I am smart, interesting, ambitious, hard working etc - I cannot get a man to like me, or date me I should say, as many men have dated me and want to hook up, or sleep with me.

But a real love relationship, eludes me. I lose so much confidence and am terrified that this guy, or any guy really, will see that - I second-guess everything - my texts, what I do - everything. I have been really hurt in the past, and am so nervous this will lead to another instance of me getting hurt. How do I protect myself? I made it clear that I was looking to get to know someone and knowing where I stand is important to me.

Does anyone have any thoughts?
BalmyNites · F
This guy has been dishonest with you from the start, by lying about being single. I’m sorry but if he still shares the same roof as his g/f, then they have not split up & he is not single. Another red flag is that he doesn’t seem interested in you as a person, he doesn’t ask about you going away, etc. Please be careful if you meet this man in person again, because as it stands he has nothing to offer you & I fear he is only looking for a good time, which will inevitably lead to you getting hurt. Respect yourself, hold out for someone better, someone who deserves you & is free to love you - protect your heart 💜❤️
rainbowunicorn · 41-45, F
I agree with you, thank you. I have felt super anxious with this guy since even before he told me his 'situation'. The fact he's chatted to me before is probably indicative of him being on tinder while he had / has a girlfriend. While it might be true he's split up from her while they ride out the lease, I don't feel two months is no where near long enough to be over it and already looking for someone else. @BalmyNites I think my anxiety comes from me knowing this and trying to rationalise it
BalmyNites · F
(As the song goes) Stop, look, listen to your heart hear what it’s saying 💜🎼 @rainbowunicorn
Bupcaskan · 61-69, M
He’s playing you, doesn’t ask ‘bout you an your day, he’s feathering his bed while is ex is on the fence.
SW-User
@Bupcaskan I second this
nedkelly · 61-69, M
Sounds like, and smells like bullshit
Synyster · 51-55, M
He's probably having issues with his GF and he's testing the waters before he leaves her, if he ever does. He's a weak man, walk away.
BalmyNites · F
Hello my lovely friend, how are you today? 🤗@Synyster
Synyster · 51-55, M
@BalmyNites I'm doing okay, just watching football.

How are you doing?
🤗
BalmyNites · F
I’m good thanks, glad you’re ok 🤗@Synyster
rainbowunicorn · 41-45, F
Update: Me and this guy are no longer talking. Gave him up in the hope for someone better :) All my anxiety is gone and I'm feeling free - intuition about the situation says a lot! Going to New York this weekend so have lots to be happy about :)
BalmyNites · F
Nice to hear, have fun & stay safe 🤗❤️@rainbowunicorn
rainbowunicorn · 41-45, F
Thank you! Had the best time :) @BalmyNites
BalmyNites · F
@rainbowunicorn Happy endings are the best 🤗😘
rainbowunicorn · 41-45, F
Thanks everyone for your comments - this is what I like about this place, can find support when I have no one else to talk to. You have also given me some serious food for thought and have put into words what I already feel - like something is wrong about the whole situation. I'll give an update once I've done something about this.
SW-User
Didn't you post this already
rainbowunicorn · 41-45, F
I did but I realised I put it in the wrong place @SW-User
MelanieUK · 22-25, F
Once a cheat always a cheat , he is cheating
SW-User
In your situation you need strong and emotional relationship from a guy who can take your care. But this guy only want random hookups or maybe casual thing with you. He won't be serious for you. Don't get me wrong I have been through that.
Montanaman · M
Sounds risky, like in you're setting yourself up for disappointment, but I think it's worth the risk.👍💞
rainbowunicorn · 41-45, F
I'm curious to know why you think it might be worth it? @Montanaman
Montanaman · M
@rainbowunicorn Love has risks, sometimes it's worth finding out the truth, even if it means getting hurt in the process. I suspect that he's not the answer for you. But you probably need to find out for yourself to be confident that you've confirmed your suspicions.
SW-User
I think it is smart of you to be wondering if you should keep texting this guy or not. I see many things that just don't sound right. He speaks about himself and rarely asks about you. He is still living with his ex, maybe still having sex with her. He seems not to be very good bf material, in my opinion. If I was in your situation I think I would end things and concentrate on my life and meet men offline through friends, family, work, interests, etc. Well, that's my two cents.
TheDarknessHasFallen · 41-45, M
As much as I want to say I hope it works out for you both, and I do, I just see red flags for both of you. One that he lives with his ex, anything can happen. Wha tif down the road he decides to be with her again? Also, I think you also needed time out of relationships for a while before you dive abck in them due to your confidence issues and such. Im really trying not to be mean or negative, just honest if that makes sesne? I dont like people getting hurt <3
dale74 · M
If someone's on tinder they're probably f****** every person that agrees tinder is not a place to develop a long-term relationship
SW-User
Sounds like rebounding to me plus he isn't taking any interest in your life is another red flag. I would move out.
"Agap' girl to fill in time, an ego-boost for the mean time".

That's my answer and probably your answer too. It explains alot. You have already figured it out but I guess, you are more into with a fight with what you want for this relationship or what ever you like to call it. But I found my answers.

But it doesn't answer, how some one move so fast, in a month time? From his ex to you? Sounds like a fast mover like wind.
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
Didn’t you post this story 5 minutes ago?
rainbowunicorn · 41-45, F
I did, but I think I put it in the wrong place. @Keepitsimple
Nanori · F
you sure you arent making yourself look 'easy'?
Nanori · F
@rainbowunicorn when did I ever said clothes??? as in being too available, easy to get, easy to reach.

pull the strings
rainbowunicorn · 41-45, F
ah...got it. Yes...I think I am actually. I always just think I'm being friendly, or easy to get along with, but yes maybe I do. Does that make me an easy target for bad behaviour...maybe it does @Nanori
Nanori · F
@rainbowunicorn yes, it also makes you look pathetic and begging for attention.
play a little hard to get gurl, make him come after you, make him see that in order to have you he gotta work for it.
and if he doesnt, at least you kept your dignity
Mona86 · C
I think he’s attached as he does not seem interested in you when he’s living abroad, don’t bother
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
Too long of a text to read while on the toilet... maybe for my evening whiskey...
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
@BalmyNites Aka a sophisticated tl;dr
Nanori · F
@MartinTheFirst or after your mom tucks you in bed
MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M
@Nanori or after you tuck me in bed, rawr 🥰
SW-User
You're being played..
Forget him, would be my advice.
SW-User
Aww. It sucks to be in a one sided relationship. 🤷🏻‍♀️
Bupcaskan · 61-69, M
SW-User
I'll give you some advice about online dating. Dont do it end of story

 
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