shitty love circle
I don't really know where to start from,it's gat to the point where no matter how much I say I will never be abel to tell the full story,and no one knows it better than the 2 people involved in it.
But for now things have just been wierd, not hard,just wierd.
I have been in love with him for 7 years and tho there were times I fantasized about being together someday and maybe,somehow have kids, a little creature that didn't only looked like me but the person I loved most,and I've imagined him getting exited when I surprise him with the news of him of him being a dad.But...I'm gay,and he is...straight.
And before anyone attacks me saying I'm a gay guy hunting straight men,he's ok with it,always have.We all know no one choose who they fall in love with,but when it comes to gay guys we are suppose to control who we fall for somehow.
Our friendship use to be a secret,people gat in to the middle of the owl thing and we went from best friends to nothing,and somehow strugled to move from nothing to secret friends,no one knew we still talk,bc we keep it all on whatsapp,but at school will wont even say "hi" to each other.
Two years back he was seeing this girl we both knew bc we use to be in the same class. It was hard,the worst part was that I spend years doing what ever I could to care in anyway for me,but suddenly she comes into his live and in just a month or two,he cared more about her than he ever did and will for me...At the end she had to move to madrid to study.Back then he never remembered my birthday,not even once,but just a month later,he didn't only remember her birthday,but traveled to Madrid to be with her for somedays.
And now,2 years later it seems like she's back,for summer. He told me they saw each other at a party and spent the night together and that she wants to get together and talk. That was a few days ago,I don't know what they talked about but we haven't talked since then,and we use to talk at least once a day.My feelings for him are not as strong as they use to be so it doesn't hurt but it's wierd, I feel wierd and for some reason,worried.
I always thought the kid that was made fun of at school for no reason is the one who becomes successful and loved,but somehow I'm stuck on a gay app where I was fooled by a 30 years old man to have sex with him....memories I can't seem to forget.
For those who wonder,we are not in a secret friendship anymore,but we never see each other bc it's hard for both of us to be at the same place.We have been trough so much for a long time it's easier to just keep things the way they 've always been.
But for now things have just been wierd, not hard,just wierd.
I have been in love with him for 7 years and tho there were times I fantasized about being together someday and maybe,somehow have kids, a little creature that didn't only looked like me but the person I loved most,and I've imagined him getting exited when I surprise him with the news of him of him being a dad.But...I'm gay,and he is...straight.
And before anyone attacks me saying I'm a gay guy hunting straight men,he's ok with it,always have.We all know no one choose who they fall in love with,but when it comes to gay guys we are suppose to control who we fall for somehow.
Our friendship use to be a secret,people gat in to the middle of the owl thing and we went from best friends to nothing,and somehow strugled to move from nothing to secret friends,no one knew we still talk,bc we keep it all on whatsapp,but at school will wont even say "hi" to each other.
Two years back he was seeing this girl we both knew bc we use to be in the same class. It was hard,the worst part was that I spend years doing what ever I could to care in anyway for me,but suddenly she comes into his live and in just a month or two,he cared more about her than he ever did and will for me...At the end she had to move to madrid to study.Back then he never remembered my birthday,not even once,but just a month later,he didn't only remember her birthday,but traveled to Madrid to be with her for somedays.
And now,2 years later it seems like she's back,for summer. He told me they saw each other at a party and spent the night together and that she wants to get together and talk. That was a few days ago,I don't know what they talked about but we haven't talked since then,and we use to talk at least once a day.My feelings for him are not as strong as they use to be so it doesn't hurt but it's wierd, I feel wierd and for some reason,worried.
I always thought the kid that was made fun of at school for no reason is the one who becomes successful and loved,but somehow I'm stuck on a gay app where I was fooled by a 30 years old man to have sex with him....memories I can't seem to forget.
For those who wonder,we are not in a secret friendship anymore,but we never see each other bc it's hard for both of us to be at the same place.We have been trough so much for a long time it's easier to just keep things the way they 've always been.
26-30, M
