Are you involved with a Narcissist?
Here's your checklist. I've lived it, and know them inside and out. I don't want you to stay trapped in their web of deceit and betrayal. There is hope! Here's what to look for:
* Their lack of empathy colors everything they do. They may say, "How are you?" when you meet, but they are working from memory. They are not interested in how you are.
* At first they are very charming, to pull you in.
* They are EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE and always will be.
* They are CHEATERS.
* They make you doubt your sanity and question yourself.
* They will do ANYTHING to get a reaction out of you...good OR bad, because they feed off your emotions.
* They need a "fix" off your emotions each and every day. If you don't provide that, they'll find someone who will.
* When Narcissists say, "I love you", they really mean, "I am in control of you."
* They are INCAPABLE of feelings of love for you. THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE, BECAUSE THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF FEELING!
* They cannot FEEL empathy or sympathy towards other human beings.
* They get their "personality" from mirroring or mimicking other people's actions. Notice how they watch you so closely. They take on your personality, as they have none of their own.
* In their own eyes, they are NEVER wrong, and NEVER admit to wrong, even if you catch them red-handed!
* Again, virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of as an authority (mirroring).
* Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.
* They could watch a person or animal die in their arms, and they would feel nothing.
* Don't underestimate a Narcissist.
* More than anything else, they hate to be ignored.
* Don't even try to win an argument with a Narcissist. You'll never win.
* Their alter-ego has taken over, and they think they are God.
* They do not want help. Their superior ego would never allow that. After all, they make no mistakes, in their eyes.
* You are always the one who needs "help" and is thinking wrong.
* They expect others to do the day-to-day chores as they feel too important to waste their time on common things.
* Listen for the constant use of "I", "me" and "my" when they talk.
* They will, if questioned, but rarely talk about their inner life, for example their memories and dreams.
* They feel that the rules at work don't apply to them.
* They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it.
* If you share workload with them expect to do the lion's share yourself.
* They love to delegate work or projects, then interfere by micro-managing it. If it goes well, they take the credit, if it goes badly they blame the person they delegated it to.
* They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.
* They must be in control at all times.
* They want to make you dependent on them, so they may take the car away, must go with you everywhere you go, to make you feel dependent and incapable.
* Work at lowering your self-esteem.
* Tell you, you can't do anything right.
* Degrade you to others.
* Brag to others how good they are to you.
* May force you to act a certain way around them, perhaps even something ritualistic such as answering them in a certain way.
* Make you seek "approval" from them, before doing something you would have done on your own.
* May have a trigger temper if opposed in any way.
* Wants to know who you're talking to on the phone and why, all time. Are paranoid about who you're talking to on the phone.
* Is jealous of friends and wants you all to themselves.
* Is jealous of your pet(s).
* Wants to know your whereabouts at all times.
* Calls you constantly to check up on you to make sure they know where you are and whom you're with.
* Does not like you going anywhere without them.
* Is suspicious of you at all times.
* You feel like you are constantly walking on eggs.
* You are scared to make a move without their approval.
* Times you wherever you go and/or checks your gas mileage.
* Comes along when you want to visit with a friend.
* Tries to break you down any way they can.
* Makes YOU feel like the bad guy.
* Is totally controlling and manipulative.
* Makes you question your sanity.
* Makes you doubt yourself or seek approval/reassurance.
* Will scream at you and belittle you.
Another frustrating aspect of the narcissist's behavior is how he (or she) will create or cause an argument just to protect himself from a perceived ego threat, or being caught in a lie. However even if you catch them, they adamantly deny it.
Ladies or gentlemen, this is not a relationship. This is bondage, and you need to get away from these people once and for all. They kill your confidence to the point where you believe you can't get out, but you can. You just have to plan. If you don't, you will completely lose yourself and then you'll never leave. You can call your community resource center and get free counseling and they will help you make a plan to leave. If you are too terrified to leave, do like I did...do it scared. Just do it. No one was more fearful than I, but I looked fear in the face and did it anyway. I thought I would shake to death, but I refused to allow fear to stop me, and I'm so happy I faced it. I know you can too. Fear is just a word. A perception. It can be overcome. It is not stronger than your will to survive. It just wants you to think it is, but you were made with great resilience and strength, you may not even know you have, but I assure you, you DO! I did it, and so can you!!
* Their lack of empathy colors everything they do. They may say, "How are you?" when you meet, but they are working from memory. They are not interested in how you are.
* At first they are very charming, to pull you in.
* They are EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE and always will be.
* They are CHEATERS.
* They make you doubt your sanity and question yourself.
* They will do ANYTHING to get a reaction out of you...good OR bad, because they feed off your emotions.
* They need a "fix" off your emotions each and every day. If you don't provide that, they'll find someone who will.
* When Narcissists say, "I love you", they really mean, "I am in control of you."
* They are INCAPABLE of feelings of love for you. THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE, BECAUSE THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF FEELING!
* They cannot FEEL empathy or sympathy towards other human beings.
* They get their "personality" from mirroring or mimicking other people's actions. Notice how they watch you so closely. They take on your personality, as they have none of their own.
* In their own eyes, they are NEVER wrong, and NEVER admit to wrong, even if you catch them red-handed!
* Again, virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of as an authority (mirroring).
* Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.
* They could watch a person or animal die in their arms, and they would feel nothing.
* Don't underestimate a Narcissist.
* More than anything else, they hate to be ignored.
* Don't even try to win an argument with a Narcissist. You'll never win.
* Their alter-ego has taken over, and they think they are God.
* They do not want help. Their superior ego would never allow that. After all, they make no mistakes, in their eyes.
* You are always the one who needs "help" and is thinking wrong.
* They expect others to do the day-to-day chores as they feel too important to waste their time on common things.
* Listen for the constant use of "I", "me" and "my" when they talk.
* They will, if questioned, but rarely talk about their inner life, for example their memories and dreams.
* They feel that the rules at work don't apply to them.
* They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it.
* If you share workload with them expect to do the lion's share yourself.
* They love to delegate work or projects, then interfere by micro-managing it. If it goes well, they take the credit, if it goes badly they blame the person they delegated it to.
* They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.
* They must be in control at all times.
* They want to make you dependent on them, so they may take the car away, must go with you everywhere you go, to make you feel dependent and incapable.
* Work at lowering your self-esteem.
* Tell you, you can't do anything right.
* Degrade you to others.
* Brag to others how good they are to you.
* May force you to act a certain way around them, perhaps even something ritualistic such as answering them in a certain way.
* Make you seek "approval" from them, before doing something you would have done on your own.
* May have a trigger temper if opposed in any way.
* Wants to know who you're talking to on the phone and why, all time. Are paranoid about who you're talking to on the phone.
* Is jealous of friends and wants you all to themselves.
* Is jealous of your pet(s).
* Wants to know your whereabouts at all times.
* Calls you constantly to check up on you to make sure they know where you are and whom you're with.
* Does not like you going anywhere without them.
* Is suspicious of you at all times.
* You feel like you are constantly walking on eggs.
* You are scared to make a move without their approval.
* Times you wherever you go and/or checks your gas mileage.
* Comes along when you want to visit with a friend.
* Tries to break you down any way they can.
* Makes YOU feel like the bad guy.
* Is totally controlling and manipulative.
* Makes you question your sanity.
* Makes you doubt yourself or seek approval/reassurance.
* Will scream at you and belittle you.
Another frustrating aspect of the narcissist's behavior is how he (or she) will create or cause an argument just to protect himself from a perceived ego threat, or being caught in a lie. However even if you catch them, they adamantly deny it.
Ladies or gentlemen, this is not a relationship. This is bondage, and you need to get away from these people once and for all. They kill your confidence to the point where you believe you can't get out, but you can. You just have to plan. If you don't, you will completely lose yourself and then you'll never leave. You can call your community resource center and get free counseling and they will help you make a plan to leave. If you are too terrified to leave, do like I did...do it scared. Just do it. No one was more fearful than I, but I looked fear in the face and did it anyway. I thought I would shake to death, but I refused to allow fear to stop me, and I'm so happy I faced it. I know you can too. Fear is just a word. A perception. It can be overcome. It is not stronger than your will to survive. It just wants you to think it is, but you were made with great resilience and strength, you may not even know you have, but I assure you, you DO! I did it, and so can you!!
