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My boyfriend has turned into a stoner, and I’m worried about him?

I still love my boyfriend, completely. He makes me so happy. All of the following is entirely legal. Please don’t suggest we break up. I haven’t confronted the issue yet, and this is a new one. He’s amazing.

Like, if we have an argument and he notices something he can do later to make me happy, he does it. He corrects his behaviour, he takes me out on dates, and he supports me.

But the last month has been really hard for me, battling some stuff, and him with financial problems. He had to move to a cheaper place further away, and has been working constantly. I’ve only seen him twice this month, instead of our normal 1-2 times a week. He’s also a sucky texter, so you can imagine things are a bit out of sync.

He’s not the same. I’m sure he’s putting the same effort in, just stressed and stuff, but with my stress it makes his effort hard to see sometimes. But....

He smokes weed nearly every day now. I have nothing against legal, recreational marijuana but I didn’t want to date a stoner either. I know he’s been extra stressed lately and that the weed helps, but he’s high a lot more and when he’s high he is so hard to talk to. I feel kind of left out at times, because I don’t smoke more than maybe three times a year, and he’s never asked me to smoke with him. His new roommate is partially to blame I’m sure- his roommate is high all the time.

I know my boyfriend is a responsible adult but he’s high so much now. I didn’t sign up for this and I don’t know how to confront it, or what to do. I love him but... I don’t believe in getting high every day. If he’s having issues I don’t want it to become an abuse habit or escape either... i want someone motivated, and I’m worried he has/will lose his motivation. For a while there he was so focused on bettering himself, that feels lost now.

Above all, I’m worried about him. While I do mention my beliefs, I’m worried about him and his long term happiness. I’m worried about him developing a dependence on weed, prioritizing it, and losing his shot at a better career, education, et cetera... all of which he wants.

Obviously I love him but I’m also trying to protect him. I’m not sure if I should say anything yet. All I’ve told him is that he’s hard to talk to when he’s high.
CountScrofula · 41-45, M
This isn't about the morality of weed - it's about you being potentially alienated from your boyfriend.

It is COMPLETELY legitimate to ask him not to smoke so much weed because you want to deal with him when he's sober. Weed is fine but using it every spare second you're not at work is unhealthy behaviour and importantly - it's putting a strain on you that's unfair to you.

Part of being in a relationship is working this stuff out so he can find space to get high but you can also get some time with him where he's not fucked up.
ScarletWitch · 26-30, F
Smoking is life. I guess I'm a stoner too. Been smoking almost everyday for 9 years straight. There is nothing wrong with it. In fact I encourage you to smoke with him. It's become now legal in my state of Illinois... maybe your mind will change one day
northphotograph · 22-25, F
He can smoke his weed, but he can’t abuse it. He’s ruining his future, I can see it happening. Read the damn post. @ScarletWitch
ScarletWitch · 26-30, F
Or stop being a bitch about it. Hopefully he sees how controlling you're going to become... it's for the best he leaves a snob like you anyways.
northphotograph · 22-25, F
Wow, okay? I’m not being a bitch, go back and read my post. I’m concerned. I don’t care if he smokes recreationally but this has turned into drug abuse. @ScarletWitch
Montanaman · M
I know where you are coming from. I smoked weed nearly everyday for about 4 years. It really did effect my drive to accomplish things, basically, all I wanted to do was get high. Then I grew up, and realized that there is more to life than getting high. Joined the Navy, stopped getting high because of piss tests, otherwise, I'd get kicked out, and blow my career. (This was in the mid to late 70's mind you.)
What to do? That's a tough one.
Obviously, a heart to heart talk is in order, but he cannot be stoned.
I wish you the best of luck.👍🤗🤗
SW-User
@Montanaman Maturity is where it’s at! Good job. 👍🏻
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northphotograph · 22-25, F
He’s told me he’s depressed. I’m worried about him, and how he’s using drugs. @energie
NativeOregonian · 51-55
When the weed becomes the most important thing over anything else, then it becomes an addiction. Do not give up on him, help him confront the real reason he seeks to escape, seek it out, talk with him about it.
nedkelly · 61-69, M
Is he a ROLLING STONE
SW-User
I would give him ultimatum and seriously stick to your word. You will find out his priorities in a hurry. I speak as someone who has lived this. It will not get any better. Good luck.
saintsong · 41-45, F
You can’t change him! Just accept him or find someone who fits your ideals
SW-User
And... you will come to resent this in him..
Stoners are the master race 🤷‍♀️

 
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