The other relationship is not wrong but inappropriate and if he loves you he should end it. Period! Otherwise HD wants his cake and eat it.

I don't believe that feelings are "right" or "wrong." I also don't think you should be insecure about the feelings you do have or decide your feelings are somehow pathological and describe them as "trust issues." No one has the right to put you on the defensive for your feelings.

It's OK for you to feel as you do, and many people would feel the same. It is not uncommon to feel insecure about your guy having what is essentially an intimate relationship with another woman, even if not a sexual one; he even wants the right to discuss your intimate relationship with her! That is a LOT of intimacy with her that he expects you to accept. He is asking you to take his word that they are just friends and it won't go any further. Even assuming he is sincere and telling the exact truth, I am sure you know that all relationships of all kinds change and evolve over time; can he really assure you, or even himself, of what is likely to happen in the future in this situation with you or her?

Most relationships, especially romantic ones, don't work out in the long run. If you decide to continue with him, please remember that and limit your emotional investment by limiting your expectations.


You do not have "trust issues" because of your past romantic disaster; you have experience which has understandably made you more cautious as it should. Have you ever known women in their 30s, 40s, or even older who keep making the same mistake again and again? Don't become one of those immature women. If you decide to continue with this guy, accept that there is another woman in his life who is part of the deal. And please honor your feelings by not allowing him or anyone, or those responding on this site, to put you on the defensive for your feelings. You can't really control what you feel nor should you; you can only control your behavior.

You can decide to accept this and tell him you won't argue with him about it or give him trouble about it, but you should not attempt the near impossible task of turning off your feelings or decide you are "wrong" to feel whatever you feel about it. Your feelings are part of your personal perceptions and you have a right to them. And, with your past experience with a guy who cheated and messed with your loyalty, you certainly have every right to say a firm clear unapologetic No to this situation.

It's in the early stages and it's already become complicated. You get to decide what to do about it.

My best friend in the world is a guy that I dated 16 years ago. It IS possible to be good friends with someone of the opposite sex. We are now both married to other people and happy. Every guy I dated after he and I broke up was made aware of him and who he was. I also made it clear that he was my friend, and he was here first. If you can't deal with us being friends, then you're not the one for me. As long as he isn't hiding her from you, I think it's ok.

@Awfullybrave

Yes, it's a dilemma, a tough situation. When a guy has a best girl pal it somehow doesn't make your relationship as special or intimate as it could be.

It's a complicated situation and you are wise enough to let yourself feel all the twists and turns of it without shutting down from the overload.

Sometimes when I'm in a dilemma like you are right now I feel it helpful if I try to pull myself out of the worry for a moment by taking a look at how I'm thinking about things, how I look at how I'm shaping my own life, and how I want to express myself as a person.

One of the sources that help me do this is reading books or watching vids by Dr. Wayne Dyer, a man who has a gift for helping others get in touch with the best parts of themselves and showing them how to create a meaningful world versus having the world create it for you.

Some of my favorites that you can find on You Tube are:

"Your Erroneous Zones" and "Manifest Your Destiny: 9 Spiritual Principles..."

Yes, I know, I'm not directly answering the question of how you should handle the situation regarding your boyfriend and his gal pal. What I'm asking you to do is to step outside of it just for a day or two and look at something that might help you gain a perspective that will be useful not just for your current situation but for the rest of your life.

Big hugs to you.

I have a problem with anyone who tries to control who I can be friends with.

I have a male friend that I've known since I was 11 and he is married to a woman whose ex left her for another man. She has always been insecure about me and refuses to invite me to any of their family functions, or communicate with me in any way. He and I are still friends although obviously not as close as we used to be. Close friends are like family -- it's a package deal. 'They were here before you came along, and will be here long after you're gone.'

In my world, no, I would not like it either. I had a bf who was best friends with his ex. We went to her place for a party. He disappeared with her to the basement. They were gone for quite a while. I never found out what happened as I broke up with him soon after. I play second fiddle to no one!

Plenty of comments and replies to help you.
I had a best friend early in my marriage, and I decided it was best to let my best friend go.
I realized that I had a best friend for Life 👍💞

Men and women can be just friends 🤷‍♀️ I’ve been in that other girls situation. It’s annoying to me lol no one wants “your man” 😂 if there was going to be something, it would have already happened.

It’s one thing to be friends, but best friends... no. Either he is not over her or something else more. The fact that he confides in her, too, is bringing up red flags for me. I would trust your gut, even if you just give him time to get over her or grow apart from her.

Your first instinct is usually the correct one . I’d go with that one ☝️

Plus now we have him out of the picture ,you can date me 🤭.
Lol. I always look for the humour in every situation 😂

Either trust him or walk away. If you don't trust it, you don't trust him, and you will never love him.

He's either all yours or he's not.

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