I just feel unhappy about it!!

Poll - Total Votes: 17

Trust it.

Don't trust It.

Get to know the other woman first

You may vote on multiple answers.

So been dating this guy for few months. He is sweet, kind and we get along pretty well. But his best friend is a girl and she happens to be ex girlfriend of his NOT so longer friend . Its making me uncomfortable for my new bf to have another woman as a best friend. When I tried to express my feelings about it, he became very defensive and seemed more protective of their friendship/relationship then the one we have and we ended up in a fight which has left me with doubts. He has also told me that he confides in her about our relationship. I am ready to let him go as to be honest I have warranted trust issues as it is but he is begging me to trust him and the relationship he has with the other woman. He is good to me otherwise and I think he is a good person but I have been in a terrible abusive, lying and cheating relationship in the past which has taken me two years to get over and find my happy self again. Finally I am ready to have someone in my life again and over the pain my last relationship caused me but for some reason I don't trust this relationship .I feel emotionally conflicted and blame myself of maybe being paranoid, insecure and not being fair to him and his woman best friend but then another side of me is terrified to being stuck in unhappy relationship again and my gut is saying this relationship won't work based on knowing myself and what I can handle and tolerate. I have promised myself to never be in another bad/ unhappy relationship again. I was single for two years before I met him. He is now saying he will gladly end that friendship to show how much he loves me but then that would makes me feel like shit and I am sure he will have a resentment towards me about it.. He wants me to meet and get to know the girl first and if I still feel the same way then he will end their friendship. Has anyone ever had these feelings/dellema/situation i am having now? If so how did you handle it or solved it? I am Open to advice and truth.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F Best Comment

I don't believe that feelings are "right" or "wrong." I also don't think you should be insecure about the feelings you do have or decide your feelings are somehow pathological and describe them as "trust issues." No one has the right to put you on the defensive for your feelings.

It's OK for you to feel as you do, and many people would feel the same. It is not uncommon to feel insecure about your guy having what is essentially an intimate relationship with another woman, even if not a sexual one; he even wants the right to discuss your intimate relationship with her! That is a LOT of intimacy with her that he expects you to accept. He is asking you to take his word that they are just friends and it won't go any further. Even assuming he is sincere and telling the exact truth, I am sure you know that all relationships of all kinds change and evolve over time; can he really assure you, or even himself, of what is likely to happen in the future in this situation with you or her?

Most relationships, especially romantic ones, don't work out in the long run. If you decide to continue with him, please remember that and limit your emotional investment by limiting your expectations.

You do not have "trust issues" because of your past romantic disaster; you have experience which has understandably made you more cautious as it should. Have you ever known women in their 30s, 40s, or even older who keep making the same mistake again and again? Don't become one of those immature women. If you decide to continue with this guy, accept that there is another woman in his life who is part of the deal. And please honor your feelings by not allowing him or anyone, or those responding on this site, to put you on the defensive for your feelings. You can't really control what you feel nor should you; you can only control your behavior.

You can decide to accept this and tell him you won't argue with him about it or give him trouble about it, but you should not attempt the near impossible task of turning off your feelings or decide you are "wrong" to feel whatever you feel about it. Your feelings are part of your personal perceptions and you have a right to them. And, with your past experience with a guy who cheated and messed with your loyalty, you certainly have every right to say a firm clear unapologetic No to this situation.

It's in the early stages and it's already become complicated. You get to decide what to do about it.

Awfullybrave · F

@greenmountaingal wow wow wow...Just amazing..The best 🤗

Awfullybrave · F

@greenmountaingal I just ended the relationship. X

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@Awfullybrave Thank you for awarding me Best Answer.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@Awfullybrave I am glad you were able to resolve this and honor your feelings and perceptions.