Advice please. My girlfriend always flinches when I raise my hand up to hug her or grab hers

She'll actually cower a little before she realizes what is actually happening.

Her past involves an abusive mother who broke her jaw and other parts and a big guy (prison record) re-broke it freshman year. Her boyfriend before me use to leave bruises and hurt her pretty bad and so she and him are done.

I love her and it kills me when I scare her. I would never hurt her.

How can I change this?

(I'm 17 and she's 16 until late June)

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VeronicaJane

Get her attention pssst, hey! Look her in the eyes. Smile. Tell her you love her and move slowly.

Its not that she doesn't trust you.

Old saying. Once burned, twice shy. She's been burned a lot. That takes a lonv time to go away, if ever.

Be gentle and patient. Let her snuggle if she wants.

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Hdryder555 · 61-69, M

Do not make sudden movements,
Tell her you are going to hug her,
Tell her any time you are going to touch her,
Be patent till she is able to trust again

Scotty26 · 22-25, M

@Hdryder555 Thank you

SW-User

Like another person said here tell her before you want to hug her instead of startling her .

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SW-User

Just let her get used to your movements. In time she will realise she is safe with you.
Unfortunately there is not much else you can do but repetitively endorse your movements are safe.

Crazywaterspring · 61-69, M

Always speak calmly. Tell her when touching her. Be kind and patient. Occasionally give her a gift. A candy bar or something she likes. Talk and really listen to her.

lucetta12 · 36-40, F

How can you scare her if you’ve never hit her? People like that will tend to find partners who will beat them.

Scotty26 · 22-25, M

@lucetta12 I've never hit her or anything like that. I just move my hands up and it scares her. I would never hit her

sunrisehawk · 61-69, M

Patience.... Move slower,

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Scotty26 · 22-25, M

@TheeOriginalEXLover Thank you

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Flenflyys · 31-35, F

Dump her

Scotty26 · 22-25, M

@Flenflyys Why would I do that?

Flenflyys · 31-35, F

To give her more issues

Scotty26 · 22-25, M

@Flenflyys What's wrong with you man

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