Should I contact his ex - girlfriend?

I've been really thinking... I've been dating this man who's 40 and I asked him if he has ever been with a black girl and he explained to me he has and it was a few years ago. She's 3 years older than him... He said that was the time where he put his all in someone... I felt a little bit jealous but at the same time I felt really sad for her and him. He said things were going so great and she just cut him out his life. Blocked him everywhere. He drove by her place just to make sure she wasn't dead and she was there... Honestly that just made me feel so sad. How could she do that to him! He looks like he still hasn't recovered from it... meaning he still really likes her... He showed me a picture and she's really pretty, she has kids that he said he loved. I Know this sounds stupid. I'm not in the mood or rude or mean comments but what if I tried to contact her? Just to understand what was wrong. If she was scared because of how amazing he is. He is an amazing guy for sure... I don't think I'll last with him. He doesn't seem that interested or that invested. I feel kind of miniscule. I don't think he can trust me... but I kind of hope that maybe if I contact her. She'll change her mind about him. Quite honestly though, I'm afraid to do that because he has such a powerful personality, she most likely does as well and will become defensive or angry that I contacted her. I don't know. I know it sounds stupid. But he really seems like he loves her a lot. I know some of you might say don't do it... But I'm a really persuasive person. Maybe she was scared how good he was to her and her kids...

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LadyGrace ·

Further, I know you will hate me for saying this, but I would say this to my own daughter. This man is way too old for you. I am not against people dating younger or older than themselves, but this is really too much. A man that age, thinks a lot differently than a person in their teens or twenties. Yes, when a man treat you or makes you think of yourself as being small or minuscule, that is definitely a red flag, telling you it’s time to move on.

SW-User

@LadyGrace I usually agree with what you say, but I don't think you should ever "move on" without trying to resolve the issue.

When I first met my wife I was still heart-broken over love lost. But that did not drive her away, she communicated with me and we talked it all out.

I used to make my wife feel small when we first met, but she confronted me and told me "I'm worth more than you treat me, and I love you and I want to work this out with you!"

I loved her and God gave me the strength to look at the discrepancies between how she loves me and how I loved her.

This was over a year ago, and I just married her on saturday and we have a beautiful, healthy relationship.

LadyGrace ·

@SW-User Thank you for sharing your feelings on this. However, I still have to disagree on this one. However, perhaps they could just be friends and not be romantically involved, since she seems to think he has a lot of love for the other lady. Plus, I would never hang around with someone who makes me feel small or insignificant.

I’m really happy your situation worked out for you, and congratulations on your new bride! I am very happy for you.

I just feel he is emotionally unavailable for her. He seems like a great guy, as she’s described, but she recognizes he still has feelings for the other lady. He needs to sort that out, I think. He loves the children, she said. I could be completely out of left field on this. I just feel she should listen to her gut when she said she felt like he isn’t invested in her. Your situation seems a whole lot different to me. I just think this age difference would be a huge problem in the long run, as well. Stranger things have happened. Ha ha I just hope it all works out for her and she makes the right decision.

SW-User

@LadyGrace The age gap is definitely a problem, not necessarily just on a moral standpoint, but I mean My sister is only 7 years older than me and we barely relate on anything.

This age gap is so vast, I'm not sure I understand how the two can relate on anything except maybe Led Zeppelin

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PiceousPanda · 22-25, F

@SW-User we relate to everything. I think we could talk for hours about philosphy life politics. Even things... I enver experienced myself since im so young I understsnd hes surprised when i say stuff lol. Music is the only thing i feel confused on but i listen to whatever he wnats me to listen to :) I can barely relate to people my age. Besides of course school obviously lol. I feel so disconnected from reality from my life. I love talking with him. He feels like a bestfriend. I was surprised at how much we understood each other. Hes like an older version of my spirit. If your wondering why inlike him so much... He has an amazing mind. Ive never felt this comfortable and just... Felt this ease with someone. The only thing of is emotional maturity. And how shy i am. Which he seems to handle well.

LadyGrace ·

@PiceousPanda What a great relationship. I wish I had one like that, as well. If he’s that good a friend, and treats you with respect, I would definitely keep him.