What would you prefer?

@PoetryNEmotion It is probably biased to mark your post the best, but I am super conservative about these type of traditional things and would prefer marrying. I don't like the idea of going just whil dating when there is a very high chance of a break-up. But it's as if the modern idealism forgets the importance, tolerance, responsibility and maturity of a happy marriage.

Thanks for best answer. I think you should wait a bit. More people will answer. I have tried a couple of ways. None seem to work well. Maybe I am missing something? I don't know...

@PoetryNEmotion Physical attraction is the biggest cause for marriages to fail since that is something which does not last. I was associating with my wife of present from the days she was schooling and it was about 7 years later that I proposed and was able to get her consent. Till then I was just studying her.

@PoetryNEmotion I absolutely agree with your thoughts. But marriage are choicesless. In some cases even love marriage ends up with break up due to either cheating or someone meeting online.

@hopeespe I hear you. Maybe there is too much emphasis on sex. I think people tend to let things slip when they move in together. I remember discussing what I wanted before I moved in with my now ex. I was clear on the things that mattered. Later he changed his mind. Didn't really tell me. What a mess. And I knew him for about 2 years before we moved in together. Maybe moving in together is a mistake. I don't think that getting married before living together is that great an idea either. Vows don't seem to matter to some. And I noticed especially in sexless marriages that the marriage seems to be the way to imprison people. Gives some spouses a way to get off easily-they can do or say anything as they know their spouses will not leave. That creates untenable situations too. Perhaps we need to spend more time choosing a life mate who is more suitable to us. Fully explore what matters to us in all areas before committing. Life is full of so many choices. A lifetime partner is such an important choice. I bet others here have plenty of ideas on this topic.

@wickey I never chose the ex based upon physical appearance. I was far too young and very limited in my dating experiences when I met him. I was raised very strictly. Had I had sex with others before I got involved with him, I can say I wouldn't have stayed with him. I think you did a great job by studying her. That is likely why you are still together. You took your time.

@SW-User I hear you. But if one person turns away, that is on them. And it might indicate that your choice wasn't the best for you in the first place. A person can always cheat if they want to. Actually doing that is a choice. Remaining faithful is also a choice. One has to choose well in a partner and be responsible in a committed relationship too.

@PoetryNEmotion I will pm you ok?. I don't want to share privacy and stuff on public post :)

@SW-User That's fine. I have a few minutes.

@PoetryNEmotion hi dear lady why do you think that moving in while dating is foolish?

@PoetryNEmotion ok check inbox :)

@SW-User I did. I replied. You could bring it here. People would like to hear this. Anything that helps us think and promotes a healthy relationship is an option.

@SW-User Did you read what I posted up above, dear one? I cannot think of anything that would work. Do people become lax when they move in together? I think so. During dating, people tend to be extra careful about being nice, being caring, being attentive, etc. If they don't, that might be an early red flag. I also think that women tend to think that because they live with a man, the man will commit at some point. That isn't necessarily true. Some people will say that marriage isn't a commitment, but it is certainly a way of saying you have created a bond. And hopefully that bond will last a lifetime. I think many men will say also that if she is living with me, that is good enough. Why should we marry? And statistics show that those who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce than those who don't. I don't have the numbers but that is true. I am starting to think that the only other solution is to create a marriage contract. Finances don't particularly interest me in that people say it is cold and calculating to think like that ie a person will clean me out if we divorce. This contract would define clear ideas; for example, how many children would be acceptable to both; issues about intimacy ie if intimacy ended for whatever reason, what the consequences would be; and other such guidelines. I used to think it was mercenary, but now, not so much. I find that is acceptable in the beginning seems to change to the other person along the line. Otherwise, I am open to any suggestions.