What does it mean when your 'loving' spouse is more rude and disrespectful to you than he is to perfect strangers?

I feel like I'm watching the slow deterioration of my marriage and I try to communicate with him but he wont; he shuts down. I think he's lying to me about something again but I can't guess what and when I asked him who he was texting earlier he got super defensive about it.

Then when I asked him why... why he works so hard to hide things if there is nothing to hide he said, "because I like to see you make a fool out of yourself."

How can someone love you if they want to see you look and feel stupid? I feel like I'm at the end of a horribly painful epiphany in which I figure out that you can't love someone that you don't respect.

That this last time, it didn't even hurt. It should hurt, right?