What does it mean when your 'loving' spouse is more rude and disrespectful to you than he is to perfect strangers?

I feel like I'm watching the slow deterioration of my marriage and I try to communicate with him but he wont; he shuts down. I think he's lying to me about something again but I can't guess what and when I asked him who he was texting earlier he got super defensive about it.

Then when I asked him why... why he works so hard to hide things if there is nothing to hide he said, "because I like to see you make a fool out of yourself."

How can someone love you if they want to see you look and feel stupid? I feel like I'm at the end of a horribly painful epiphany in which I figure out that you can't love someone that you don't respect.

That this last time, it didn't even hurt. It should hurt, right?

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CopperCicada · M

I'm just going to say this.

By the time a man revels in degrading you, making you look or feel foolish-- the love that is the pretext for a relationship is already gone.

And you mention "it didn't even hurt". Dissociation is a sign of trauma which comes from abuse. Without connecting to the pain of being mistreated you'll put up with a lot. So protect yourself.

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@CopperCicada I think you're right, but I will tell you that it hurt to read this. Truth usually does. I still love him, you see? Even if he doesn't deserve it, even if he seems to enjoy causing me pain or discomfort... I remember what he was when we started out. I think I'm in love with the man he used to be.

Either way, that's gone now and you're right. I'm going to move on, I just wish I wasn't so damned afraid.

CopperCicada · M

@Angelfire21 Love isn't enough. Which is a sad thing. But true.