What does it mean when your 'loving' spouse is more rude and disrespectful to you than he is to perfect strangers?

I feel like I'm watching the slow deterioration of my marriage and I try to communicate with him but he wont; he shuts down. I think he's lying to me about something again but I can't guess what and when I asked him who he was texting earlier he got super defensive about it.

Then when I asked him why... why he works so hard to hide things if there is nothing to hide he said, "because I like to see you make a fool out of yourself."

How can someone love you if they want to see you look and feel stupid? I feel like I'm at the end of a horribly painful epiphany in which I figure out that you can't love someone that you don't respect.

That this last time, it didn't even hurt. It should hurt, right?

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PoetryNEmotion · F

What is he lying about? That is the worse. And his words bite you, wound you! You will shut down. You will become so small. Invisible. How long have you been married? This is serious. I doubt he will go to counseling. He will not admit to anything wrong. What do you think you should do?

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@PoetryNEmotion He has lied about a lot of things. Parties that he planned with friends from work to which he invited women from his job that he has history with. He wont tell me he's doing it, just go and then come home and deal with the fallout. He cheated when we first got together, he has probably cheated with an older woman from his job. I have found a picture from her on his phone in a bra.

He left our house one time (six years ago) and I heard him shut a very specific drawer next to our bed. Sure enough, when I went to check he had taken the condoms there and when I went out to the car to ask him why we argued and he ended up throwing them at me and driving away. I was pregnant with our son. 4 months i think.

It's a long history of lies and deceit and as insane as it seems, I've never actually caught him red handed. Only the edges of his lies.

gregloa · 61-69, M

@Angelfire21 that’s not being an amazing father. An amazing father would never treat his children’s mother like he treats you. An amazing father is also an amazing husband. He will drive your kids against you if you let him. You’re not doing your kids a favor by staying with a lying cheater.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Angelfire21 He is cheating on you. I waited for concrete proof too. There were so many red flags. You know the truth. He knows how to lie. Listen, girl, listen closely. A man carries condoms for sex. When he carries them with him, outside your home, he is cheating upon you. Do not let him deceive you or make you think you are wrong. You know the truth. You don't need to catch him in bed with someone. You have already caught him.