What does it mean when your 'loving' spouse is more rude and disrespectful to you than he is to perfect strangers?

I feel like I'm watching the slow deterioration of my marriage and I try to communicate with him but he wont; he shuts down. I think he's lying to me about something again but I can't guess what and when I asked him who he was texting earlier he got super defensive about it.

Then when I asked him why... why he works so hard to hide things if there is nothing to hide he said, "because I like to see you make a fool out of yourself."

How can someone love you if they want to see you look and feel stupid? I feel like I'm at the end of a horribly painful epiphany in which I figure out that you can't love someone that you don't respect.

That this last time, it didn't even hurt. It should hurt, right?

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Newandimproved · 61-69, M

Sorry for your pain dear

Sounds fishy.
Might be time to start thinking about plan b.
If he won't go to counseling with you...you might not see the situation get any better.

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@Newandimproved When I talk about anything emotional or anything that's not video games and fast cars, he can become unpleasant. Also, he works a lot and I think I'm starting to realize that we only fight when he's home on vacation... meaning we only fight when... we have to be around one another for more than five exhausted minutes between shifts.

Newandimproved · 61-69, M

@Angelfire21 well you deserve to be happy, respected and loved. If he won't provide that then it may be time to chalk this up in the loss column. He needs to talk to you. Are there kids involved?

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@Newandimproved We have a 6 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. He's a good father.

Newandimproved · 61-69, M

@Angelfire21 that would have to be factored in. But they are learning that a wife/mother should be disrespected if he does that in front of them.

Would he consider counseling?

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@Newandimproved I have asked him and he says quite seriously that I'm the only one in this house who needs counseling. If I choose to see someone, that's fine by him but he doesn't help keeping his emotions in check.

Newandimproved · 61-69, M

@Angelfire21 it might be helpful for you to talk to someone. They might help you get some insights. Possibly some suggestions on how to cope. Just hearing someone tell you that you aren't crazy.
We're rooting for you.