What does it mean when your 'loving' spouse is more rude and disrespectful to you than he is to perfect strangers?

I feel like I'm watching the slow deterioration of my marriage and I try to communicate with him but he wont; he shuts down. I think he's lying to me about something again but I can't guess what and when I asked him who he was texting earlier he got super defensive about it.

Then when I asked him why... why he works so hard to hide things if there is nothing to hide he said, "because I like to see you make a fool out of yourself."

How can someone love you if they want to see you look and feel stupid? I feel like I'm at the end of a horribly painful epiphany in which I figure out that you can't love someone that you don't respect.

That this last time, it didn't even hurt. It should hurt, right?

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hlpflwthat · M

Ahh fuck. I'm sorry you're in a spot like this. And your observation about the pain is dead on.

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@hlpflwthat I used to tell him that there would be a day when it would happen and I wouldn't care at all and that was the day to worry. I am afraid we have arrived.

hlpflwthat · M

I'm sure it doesn't feel like it right now, but the fact that you can acknowledge your truths puts you at an advantage as you move forward - and you will. Your children will be as intelligent as you and soon figure out their father's charade. Never teach a child that your husband's behavior is acceptable.

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@hlpflwthat It hurts to hear it because you're so right. I want my son to learn to respect the mother of his future children. Leading by example is much harder than it sounds.