What does it mean when your 'loving' spouse is more rude and disrespectful to you than he is to perfect strangers?

I feel like I'm watching the slow deterioration of my marriage and I try to communicate with him but he wont; he shuts down. I think he's lying to me about something again but I can't guess what and when I asked him who he was texting earlier he got super defensive about it.

Then when I asked him why... why he works so hard to hide things if there is nothing to hide he said, "because I like to see you make a fool out of yourself."

How can someone love you if they want to see you look and feel stupid? I feel like I'm at the end of a horribly painful epiphany in which I figure out that you can't love someone that you don't respect.

That this last time, it didn't even hurt. It should hurt, right?

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Pitchblue

Trust is everything in a relationship. Why would anyone that cared for you want to make you look like a fool. He's competing with you. So what will he do to make you look bad? This is a really toxic relationship. Sorry to hear that.

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@Pitchblue The problem is we are 6 years married with two kids. There's so much more at stake than just me being happy every minute of every day. I appreciate the comment :)

Pitchblue

Your wrong, the kids won't be happy if you aren't. Even if you fake it every day that's what they will grow up and do. You need the kids to be in a healthy living environment. There are lots of people that will help you.

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@Pitchblue I'm not worried about money, i have a good job and I work a lot but he's a really good father. He's not nice to me but he's wonderful to them. And he doesn't abuse me, he's never hit me, he's just... it's like in the last year he has gotten tired of the sound of my voice and instead of telling him that he can stuff his ears, I have started to talk quieter. Like I'm making myself smaller and smaller and eventually there wont be anything left.

Pitchblue

You only get one life so live it. It's important to be happy. If you have money why not live apart so you can both be happy, right now you've become a possession. Go out and live life. He can still see the kids and be a good father.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Angelfire21 A good father wouldn't treat his children's mother like he treats you. He will teach them how to mistreat you too. And this will effect their relationships too. Is that right? No.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@Angelfire21 You are already harmed. You are losing yourself. It isn't right. It isn't healthy. You know this. A man who doesn't respect you doesn't love you.

Pitchblue

Almost all boys learn how to mistreat women from their father.

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@PoetryNEmotion No, you're right. I should advocate for my kids, even if it doesn't feel like that's what I'm doing.

Pitchblue

@Angelfire21 If you were living elsewhere you could pay attention to the kids and how they are doing rather than what the ... is going on in my marriage.