What does it mean when your 'loving' spouse is more rude and disrespectful to you than he is to perfect strangers?

I feel like I'm watching the slow deterioration of my marriage and I try to communicate with him but he wont; he shuts down. I think he's lying to me about something again but I can't guess what and when I asked him who he was texting earlier he got super defensive about it.

Then when I asked him why... why he works so hard to hide things if there is nothing to hide he said, "because I like to see you make a fool out of yourself."

How can someone love you if they want to see you look and feel stupid? I feel like I'm at the end of a horribly painful epiphany in which I figure out that you can't love someone that you don't respect.

That this last time, it didn't even hurt. It should hurt, right?

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S2dio57 · M

Sounds like a dickhead 😡

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@S2dio57 Or maybe I'm just the asshole for sticking around. It's harder than just staying or going, but it always is - isn't it?

Pitchblue

@Angelfire21 He's staying to get whatever he wants, he has a wife and kids but most likely gets sex outside the relationship. That is an extremely selfish thing to do.

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@Pitchblue I don't know that he has time. I mean, I will admit I don't think he's having a physical affair and that might make a few people think I'm being dramatic. I think he's having an emotional affair with an ex who lives pretty far away from us.

Pitchblue

@Angelfire21 Either way, if there is no communication and you have a nagging feeling something is wrong and when you ask he becomes evasive or attacks you with comments about making you feel stupid, that's just a hellish way to live. Aren't you just waiting for him to give you the reason why he'll leave. The day you finally find out what he's hiding. You should be thinking about what you need right now. This sounds like such a massive waste of time. Time you will never get back. You need to be happy.

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@PitchblueAnd that is another thing... I don't have all the time in the universe. I'm 33 now. Another 10 years before he finally decides to walk out on us and all I've done is waste 10 years.

Pitchblue

@Angelfire21 Is it even possible to live another 10 years like that?

People say and do things to present themselves to other people in a certain way. So what do you think about the way he represents himself to you?

S2dio57 · M

@Angelfire21 no i don’t think ur the asshole. I’ve known too many people like him. Their shit doesn’t stink and they put others down constantly ... they’re insecure jerks and that’s how they make themselves feel better. They don’t change... best to count your blessings and kick him to the curb. And with his responses to you, yes I think he’s hiding something, he deflects the questions with more put downs towards you.
Just my opinion😎👌🏽

Angelfire21 · 36-40, F

@S2dio57 He really does. Deflection is the word of our marriage.

S2dio57 · M

@Angelfire21 ☹️
So sorry hope you figure out what’s best for you...
Big hug 🤗