What are some fun ways to answer everyday questions like “how’s it going” or “what do you do”?

How's it going?: Online: Delete or respond: Huh???? In real life: It's not going too good, this morning two assassins nearly cornered my at the church. It was touch and go for a while but the big one I threw off the roof and the little fast one slipped and fell down the stairs. I'm just baffled about which country has put a hit on me.... How's your day going?

Maybe I shouldn't answer the "what do you do" question....

For most of my life I have replied to Qs like that with pithy funny sarcastic and smart-aleck answers...

Now, I finally grasp that people may ask them just to fill the dead-air, but an honest answer will go a long way to open communications links.

If they ask "How's it going?" I would answer (recently) with, "My dad just died and we had to put both his dogs down because they had health issues that no one wanted to accept and deal with. Work is good, but I still find too few hours in the day to accomplish everything. How is your life?"

I used to Tell people I danced in a cage for a living

You just say what comes to your mind. And be lively with the responses.