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Does everyone deserve a second chance?

This guy messaged and called me last night, and I feel indifferent about it. It used to make me so excited when my phone would light up and I would smile at the sight of a message from him, but now he's broken my heart and I've allowed my feelings for him to die.

Yesterday I made a spur of the moment decision to take a train to another city. Kind of a mini Eat, Pray, Love moment, I guess. Lol. And I've been having the time of my life. I strolled through the streets, did a little shopping, and tried different food from the food trucks I passed by. Even went to an open mike poetry slam last night... and then he called. I hadn't even noticed I missed his call until I pulled out my phone to find directions to the club I was heading to.

I wanted to talk to him, but I shouldn't, right? If someone isn't there for you the first time around, can that change in a week? Or would things just be the same? Also, the hurt that he made me feel makes me think that I'll never be able to feel the same way about him again. It requires a level of trust that I don't think I can give him.

I'm trying to not repeat old patterns.

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iamBen · M

If your feelings have changed then why bother contacting him? Doing so well just drag things out. Won't it?

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

@iamBen I guess part of me is holding on to the hope that things could go back to the way they were before. But you're right, if I'm just missing a feeling and not even him, I shouldn't bother contacting him.

iamBen · M

@wtfgirl001 Best of luck to you.

Ynotisay · M

I don't know. I've come to learn that once someone turns their cards over when it comes to certain things that's just who they are. You either accept or you don't. When a 'second chance' requires a personality change, it's not going to turn out differently. You can teach and change a kid. It's pretty rare with an adult. We are who we are.

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

@Ynotisay Yes, you're right. I'm asking for a personality change essentially, and that tends to be pretty static. So best for me to leave it alone.

whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

Not everyone.. Of course, its up to you. However, something to remember.. More often than not, if a guy does something and is forgiven, his take away is that he got away with it last time...Think on that...😷

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

@whowasthatmaskedman That is an interesting thought process. I would imagine that they would think "Oh wow, that was close. I almost lost that person. I'm not going to do that again."

Weird that it's actually the opposite.

whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

@wtfgirl001 Of course its not universal. But maybe ask yourself why he did whatever he did if he valued you in the first place?? The thing is, we as humans operate on two levels and they arent the same. Intellectually you are on solid ground with your thinking. But the animal underneath is looking for the best mate possible (however you define that) . While in him the animal underneath is looking for every opportunity to spread his genes around. If he was operating at the intellectual level he wouldnt mess up..And if he is operating at the animal level, you have a problem.. The rest is up to you to decide..😷

DunningKruger · 61-69, M

People deserve second chances if they have done the work in order to earn them.

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

@DunningKruger Thanks for reminding me of this. I am so quick to hand out second chances when they aren't earned.

DunningKruger · 61-69, M

@wtfgirl001 Yes. I know what you mean.

Tracos · 51-55, M

people deserve second chances somewhere else

wtfgirl001 · 31-35, F

@Tracos I really like the way you put this. I don't have to be the one to give him his second chance at my own expense. He can learn from it somewhere else.

Thank you.

DreamyCrush · F

No. If he hurt you once he'll do it again.

Wiseacre · F

Thumbs up to ur last sentence 👍

MrBrownstone · 46-50, M

No

Azlotto · M

Not everyone.

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