I Have a Cheating Husband

Update:

I just found a text this morning on my husbands phone. I wasn't snooping. I went to unplug his phone and found texts.

one asked him to pick up some condoms. another asked why he was ignoring her.

according to google she lives on ba<x>se. oh boy.

i texted her and she just told me to quit it. she didn't care how i found her phone number. I totally was gonna confront her and ask how long?

I couldn't do it. I don't know why.

Like the stds he gave me several years ago, and the condoms weren't enough evidence of cheating? For some reason seeing the text made it seem much more real.

I feel stressed and anxious. Its a gross panicky feeling. I don't like it.

i don't know why THIS is the evidence that makes it more real, but it does.

Just needed to share it with someone who won't judge me too harshly.

I don't know how to confront him and I'm scared too. I don't know why.

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RsBrat

I am sorry, it sounds like you are really hurting over it. I don't think you want to confront it because you fear it could be the end of your relationship. Ignoring it is easier. I think you need to decide before you confront him if you want the marriage. If you make the decision one way or the other it will be easier to deal with. If you want the marriage then I think you need to talk to him and let him know that and that you want to work through it. I think you do or you would have confronted it before.
I was cheated on before. It hurts. I would have stayed and even been open to having an open marriage, but at the time I decided upon revenge first. That was not my best idea. But that is an entire other story.

darktippedrose · 36-40, F

I want to stay married, if for anything, for my kidz.

I can't raise 3 asd kids all by myself, especially with a bum knee.

and he doesn't have much of a relationship with his other kidz. His two other kidz, he rarely talks to them. He doesn't like them. I won't even repeat how he really feels about them.

I know that if we got divorced, he would quit being a dad. I KNOW that. I don't want that. I don't mind sacrificing myself for my kidz. Its what mommies do.

RsBrat

I did exactly what you are saying because of my children for so many years. I married a vanilla man that aside from the cheating part, was much like your husband that I just read. I left finally and my kids and myself , and him have actually all agreed that it would have been better if I did it years ago.
If you are deciding to stay, then I think you should at least have some fun and start enjoying life. I have some ideas of course ;)

newobserver

That's a truly awful predicament. It's easy to be glib and say "Just leave him" but seriously it sounds like you're trapping yourself for the wrong reasons. If the cheating is truly intolerable for you, you will never be happy while you're with him.

Look after you.

darktippedrose · 36-40, F

i'm sure you do. the most fun i have is with myself or phone sex. which can be fun, but is sometimes more depressing than NOT having sex at all.

I like to belly dance. it helps me dance away my demons but sometimes that hurts too when my knee hurts so bad i can't dance.

RsBrat

Oh girl. Message me. You need to have fun and learn to use this marriage to your advantage. If you are stuck in it.. Then have fun at least. With him or not with him.

darktippedrose · 36-40, F

I know that. I know what its like for your mom to be unable to be your mom, and do things for herself without thinking of you. I don't want that for my kidz.

darktippedrose · 36-40, F

i think i already did lol

newobserver

I stayed in a marriage that was dysfunctional and wasted too many years of my life. Fortunately we didn't have kids, so I didn't have it as hard as you, but life is damn short - don't stay hurt.

darktippedrose · 36-40, F

lol. I'm trying not too. i have started doing things for me, even though I know he doesn't like it. like nail polish and makeup and belly dancing.

newobserver

What woman doesn't ;-)

darktippedrose · 36-40, F

lol well he doesn't like it, and finally i get to wear it after 10 years of nothing

dirtfarmer2

Could you support yourself with a belly dancing career in your country? Strippers, in my country, often make good money but that is a bit less benign. It is good that you are doing something that you want to do. You need to be your own independent person.

darktippedrose · 36-40, F

i live in usa. i don't know how I mssed this comment. will NOT strip lol. and belly dancers don't usually make lots of money in the us. but they love it too much to not do it. hehe