Help - I think I’m in an abusive relationship.

So my partner keeps saying I frustrate him and recently we’ve had multiple arguments over stupid things, such as me falling asleep early (9:15pm) I’m a nurse and work 12.5hr shifts, 14 if you add travel. My partner works from home in a stressful, yet very flexible job where he often has time to play on his Xbox during the working day.

Tonight’s argument was me falling asleep early, apparently that frustrates him and pisses him off and I’m so selfish for it. I was explaining why I am so tried and all I got was ‘well I work in a busy job and I’m not tired you need checking you’re so weird for falling asleep at this time’. I kinda snapped when I shouldn’t which caused him to get really angry, shout at me and slam doors (have told him multiple times this scares me, I don’t do aggression well). To which he stated tonight that if I did not annoy him, he wouldn’t do it therefore it’s all my fault and I’m a selfish bell***.

He’s now sulking downstairs because I make his life hell and I’m so hard to live with and no one understands him. I feel emotionally numb and so tired. It’s draining me as I’m always the one in the wrong and he doesn’t seem to take responsibility for his actions and blames me.

Advice would be helpful… thanks x

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in10RjFox · M

Looks like he is longing for your company since he is alone most of the day waiting for you and all you do is crash as soon as you come back. And being unable to convey this to you is what frustrates him I suppose. As you are a nurse and you are away from your phone.. Do you get to call him or text from work?

So what matters now is how you conduct yourselves as soon as you get back from work... Do you undress in front of him while talking? Have you invited him to shower with you? Ever acted that you rushed home just to make love to him ?
Ever given him a blow job while he plays his game or attends to his work? He wouldn't mind you falling asleep right after but you are there naked lying around him and not away in a bedroom which makes him feel lonely again...

Try to break his monotony.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@in10RjFox A nurse can find the time to call their spouse from work when they cannot even take the time to piss or to eat? Come on. Get real. You, my distant friend, are out of touch with reality. She works over 12 hours a day and commutes. She is exhausted. She wants to rest. You have no fucking clue how a nurse works. Make love? She NEEDS TO SLEEP. You sound so selfish or just, I am blunt, idiotic. Very disappointed in your reply. Is it all about the male? Break his neck. Monotony? He sits on his ass working from home. He can play video games. You cannot be married or in a committed relationship. Not talking like you are.

in10RjFox · M

@PoetryNEmotion [quote]You sound so selfish or just, I am blunt, idiotic[/quote].
The latter.. add "No empathy" to your list.

If such is work, then one should not marry. A nurse is already a full time wife of the hospital .. and no time for another husband.

[quote]He sits on his ass working from home.[/quote]
This is degrading. I have worked from home most of my life and still do. He May be making more money sitting at home than her working all day. She can attend to him all day as her only patient instead of attending as many patients..

The question here is not about anyone's work life, but their work life balance. So what is your solution.... Let me see if you have posted one ..

Instead of arguing on each other's opinion, let her choose what's best for her.

in10RjFox · M

@PoetryNEmotion and she claiming that she is in an abusive relationship by itself is wrong. There is no abuse in her story.

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SW-User

@in10RjFox Are you saying she should quit her job and wait on the guy hand and foot all day?
That's a big red flag!

What about the guy maybe having a hot bath ready for her and a nice massage? Why should it be only her place to make it all about him?

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

@in10RjFox so you think more sex (initiated by her) would solve this issue? You're clearly single, because anyone in a functional relationship would know that sex is at the bottom of the priority list when two grown adults are working full time and trying to make ends meet. There are more important things in life.

in10RjFox · M

@DearAmbellina2113 what is more sex when there is no sex or romance even. The way she has described, she has absolutely no time for him. They are already in a [b]dysfunctional relationship [/b] and you are talking about functional relationship.

If there are more important things in n life and get her to walk out of marriage and go attend the important things.

Why does she even need a spouse?

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

@in10RjFox would you rather she quit her job? Because that's the only way she could give 100% to her spouse in the way you think she should.

in10RjFox · M

@DearAmbellina2113 please read what I wrote patiently once more. All I have told her is to make some alterations to the way she conducts herself at home. The way she has described it looks like she just hits the bed once she is back home and gets up only to leave for work. He must atleast feel that his wife is his once she is home.

There are even escorts and sex workers are married and have a spouse back home leading a balanced life.