Am I being too sensitive? Ive been with my significant other for 12 years. No kids. Been...

Sigil · 56-60, M

That’s interesting. My wife is my number one person (regardless of my profile on here), but that’s because she is all I have. I’m estranged from my family, so she and her family are all I have left.

That said, I don’t expect her to return that sentiment to me because she is so close to her family. They’re very tight, and I don’t want to untie their bond. So, if I’m on equal ground with her family, I consider that a win.

I hope this helps.

lovingdead · 36-40, M

That's not overreacting at all. Granted i doubt you are trying to be his number 1 in everything and every way. Its good he cares about his family.

But (and everyone has their own way of being) but to say you tied with anyone seems the equivalent of handing out the same style of birthday card to everyone. Just generic, not special or unique to the person and after 12 years ideally youd have gotten/earned that.

Its like living with someone and where you put your stuff is in "the guest closet" after 12 years it should be known as yours. Its a simplification obviously. And everyone loves in different ways.

True love does exist (at least in my mind) but its about finding someone whose internal dictionary has the same definition of love as yours...or at least close.

FelicityDavenport · 26-30, F

I think he's probably struggling with how to say it, but means that you're ALL unique to him. That doesn't mean less or more.

I am estranged from my family - maybe 13 or so years since I've seen them - so all I have are my friends and my fella. My friends are family to me, we're very close. They've been there for me throughout my adulthood. My fella is fast approaching 18 months.

I love both. Both friends and my fella are unique to me and I'd hate to lose either.

But, you explain how you feel to him and see what he says back. That, I hope, will answer your questions.

Hugs.

🫂

HumanEarth · F

Aww I'm getting upset for you. If I heard the same thing that would sting. 12 years is not a significant other, that's a marriage without the paperwork. In some areas that is Common Law Marriage and you might be entitled to marriage rights under the law.

Just saying, for that just in case, better to know and then not to know. Like in case of medical emergences, death, and other things. That could be protection for the both of you, cause it works both ways.

Say he was in bad car wreck, like right now doctors can't talk to you about anything and vice versa. You would be there sitting in waiting room in the dark not knowing what's going on.

Maybe you should look into that

Convivial · 26-30, F

I think you are....I think you need to realise you are in love with a well rounded man who loves you and his family... Enjoy him

Intissima · F

I would go ghost protocol

Take yourself away

For just a couple of weeks

No contact
And on your social media keep posting
Time out with your family and friends
Don’t give him your energy for at least two weeks maybe more if you can
Go on vacation

You will truly find out if in his life it makes a big difference

Because gurl what he said

It ain’t good enough

And a few weeks no contact should remind him of the huge presence you have in his life.

CenterPiece · 36-40, F

Men can be so dismissive at times . As women we love harder. And deeper. I'm the type of person who gives what i get. If he makes you his priority then you make him yours. If he made you feel like less of a priority then that should be the day that you decide to make him less of a priority too theres no way in hell i continue to give my all to someone who uttered the words "Should I lie to you?" Stop catering to him and worry about yourself from now on he needs to know what that feels like.

Miram · 31-35, F

Love you Scarlet and hope you are well.

I dislike him and still think about his actions from years ago. This would not have bothered you if there wasn't a previous pattern of past negligence..a long pattern of past negligence. It isn't just a single isolated action.

It is also related to what you wanted from a relationship. You should give that some thoughts.

BiasForAction · M

I’d be upset

PlatonicSquirelFriends

I would be hurt

Echambers101 · 26-30, M

No your not being to sensitive its an appropriate response but now you know how he really feels im sorry he made you feel that way why didn't you tell me Em

romell · 51-55, M

People love each other doesn't mean they forgo all other relatives, friend s colleagues. Everyone has a place ideally they should be in their place in a balanced manner .

Mindful · 56-60, F

I'm sorry. I do think that if he values his family he also values you... and that is still a good thing. I've been with my partner 12 years and if he said I was more valueable than his family I'm not sure I would believe him.

HikingMan · 51-55, M

I’m assuming he’s a guy?

We’re not always the best at choosing the right words. Especially when it comes to romantic overtures. I’m sure the words he said he thought would feel special to you. I doubt he was saying “You’re just one of many.”

That guy would probably run through a burning brick wall to get to you if you were in any danger.

IM5688 · 70-79, M

I know that feeling also. Every day I tell my partner of 12 years that I love her. I tell her when she leaves for work and I tell her before we sleep at night. The only response I get is a thank you. I feel like it doesn't matter at all to her...and it does hurt.

passingby8 · 36-40, F

That sucks I'd be hurt too im sorry 😞

Magicianzini · M

I don't think it gets much tighter than being considered part of someone's family. I know if I said that, it would mean a lot more than just "I love you too".

Because someone lacks suave doesn't mean they don't love heavily.

Elizabeth28 · TVIP

might be time to go

lovingdead · 36-40, M

Though i want to say, even if he might be lacking in expressing it in words, does he make you feel like youre unique or his number 1 in other ways?

EldritchFox · 41-45, F

You are not being sensitive. He told you his truth and I don't know the man but maybe that was high respect coming from him.

But I'd be a little sad too. That was a dull response to your sweetness.

Jenny1234 · 56-60, M

What kind are f relatives are we talking about? If it’s his kids then I get that. If it’s anyone else then I don’t

MsSwan

I don't think you're being too sensitive.

PrincessVelvet · F

Certainly a poor choice of words in his end, if nothing else. I mean it's not a contest he should have kept the focus on you. I've seen several posts of this nature from you; more than I'm comfortable with. I hope you're not letting your love for him blind you to something that's not there. But I don't know the guy. Do what feels right for you.

LordShadowfire · 46-50, M

I don't think you are being sensitive. When someone chooses to live with you for 12 years of your life, that should mean that you are their number one person. Not that you are tied with the people they left behind.

I don't think it's necessarily a deal breaker that he said that after this much time, but it's definitely something to discuss.

Jexie · 26-30, F

At first glance that comment definitely seems dismissive. But is he saying you're at the same level as his family? Some people love their families a lot and don't want to put anyone above them, so that would be a big compliment. But only you know how he really is.