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I've been divorced 10 years now and still have no desire to be in a "serious" relationship.

I'd love to be committed to someone, but I don't like what being in a relationship means.

I want my own space and I don't want to feel guilty because I still enjoy time/space to myself.

I don't want to feel bad for the amount of sex I enjoy. I got so tired of partners acting like I was a cheater or using them.

I like being close and quiet. I don't want to be emotionally dumped on over every little slight in life. Explained every excruciating detail then expected to do the same while being tuned out.

Really, I don't understand relationships.

I don't understand the expectations and I don't want to be responsible for someone else's happiness. I would like to contribute to it, not be the entire supply.

I don't understand the fickle, noncommutative or excruciatingly communicative ups and downs, lefts, rights, backwards and upside down-ness of shared daily life with someone.

The constant decision making for and comforting of another adult when my twelve year old is more self regulated.

The games that hurt. On purpose.

I don't like all that comes with relationships, so I avoid them.

Maybe one day I'll meet someone like me. Who doesn't need to be enmeshed and do everything just right. Someone I don't lose my identity with, but we support each other in side-by-side individual growth. Someone that holds me and fucks me like a goddess, but doesn't expect to be fed and fart in my bed.

I'm not the giver I used to be.

I'm the coexister that loves to breathe and give breath.

Mutually obsessed, writing poetry for each other, without the begging and pulling of need.

I don't ever count on finding love again. I don't seek. But I leave myself open to the infinite possibilities.
EldritchFox
41-45, F
22 replies 106 views 2 days ago2 d
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CheshireHatter · M
I have been divorced since 2003, never felt the joy of true love and co existing with another. We were separate spirits in all things. Never warm conversations, never equal, always poor choices. It was four years of misery. Neither one of us was truly happy and at peace. Since then, trying to find an open minded passion and twin spirits who love, honor, and cherishes each other eludes me. Maybe this is better being single, finding myself, and exploring where my soul and heart needs to be.

I hope to find someone who gets me, supports my choices, and will wander with me on my journey of self exploration. We will see
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
EldritchFox · 41-45, F
@CheshireHatter I think you are doing the right thing by focusing on your journey and changing needs. Age changes things. Experience changes us.

Do you feel sad?

I don't feel sad anymore.

I think we learn what we'll never settle for again and that's a positive feeling. Knowing your worth. Even if no one else sees it, that's strength. Being alone has been a blessing for me.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
CheshireHatter · M
@EldritchFox I don't feel sad anymore, more open minded knowing the changes I am going through keep me alert to who I am as a person. Being alone opens me up to better possibilities
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
ForestGnome · 46-50, F
I feel you! I prefer the no strings life.
+ 3 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
ForestGnome · 46-50, F
@EldritchFox After multiple marriages, the last being an insecure, control freak, I've had enough. Once I divorced, I allowed myself to be me.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
EldritchFox · 41-45, F
@ForestGnome it's empowering and refreshing to just be ourselves. Finally free.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
ForestGnome · 46-50, F
@EldritchFox No turning back!
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
Livingwell · 61-69, M
I believe the perfect relationship is where someone is part of your life, not making you "be their life". People tend to gravitate toward the latter. If someone is in a "part of your life" relationship, you have the freedom to spend time for you, grow careers, not lose yourself, etc all while being committed to someone that respects your space.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
EldritchFox · 41-45, F
@Livingwell relationships can definitely get confusing and enmeshed. Nothing repels me more at this age.
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smileylovesgaming · 31-35, FVIP
I been married twice and I still don't see the point of getting married. Most men just want to coexist together. Then woman they want to get married they even push towards it.
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
SageWanderer · 70-79, M
A person that knew of the bond that existed between my wife and I asked me if that magic could ever happen again. I honestly told her no, because there are too many takers and no enough givers.

Like you, I am open to possibilities but a total commitment as I had before? That’s highly unlikely.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
EldritchFox · 41-45, F
@SageWanderer I'm so burnt out by what it's all supposed to be, it doesn't mean anything anymore. It all just seems exhausting and life draining.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
myotherlife · 61-69, M
I am going on year 14
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · 1 day ago1 d
PinkMoon · 26-30, F
What you want exists. You just haven't experienced it because you've picked terrible men in the past. Your archetype of the dynamics of a relationship is based on what you've experienced,not what is possible. It's like thinking you hate a certain food. One day you find yourself in a different part of the world, you try that meal there and you absolutely love it. The problem was not the dish, it was the cooks. You have to take accountability for the errors in your selection process for men in the past. After that you have to formulate a new selection criteria in order to filter out what you don't want and attract what you need.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
EldritchFox · 41-45, F
@PinkMoon Understood. I have made terrible choices because of seeing good and potential. Because of poor examples growing up. Low self worth. You name it.

I don't make myself feel bad about that, because it's in my past. It's lessons learned. I have been accountable, I have cleaned up my mess.

But I'm also not taking all the blame anymore. I'm pretty far beyond that. I know what I want and I had to get to that conclusion somehow.

As far as attracting anything, those days are over. All I care about is peace and doing some good stuff with my life for the next generation. That's why I said I'm open to possibilities but not counting on it.

My son will be entering the dating phase of his life soon. It's more important that I help guide him with the what I've learned, than for me to seek or need for myself.

I don't even want for myself. I'm good. I have more important things at this phase of life 🖤
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
Well, been divorced since 2003. Engaged again in 2009, but that barely counted, the whole thing imploded after that.

Engaged last year after 15 years of dating. You could say that I'm not easily convinced.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · 2 days ago2 d
EldritchFox · 41-45, F
@uncalled4 I mean this most respectfully, but what does marriage imply? Your commitment everyday is the beautiful/sometimes hard choice you make. Why get married?
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · 1 day ago1 d
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
@EldritchFox I never had an issue with marriage. I liked it. After 15 years, it's like we are anyway. Plus there are certain money advantages, I will likely go on her benefits, etc.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · 1 day ago1 d
 
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