My terrible story
I know my story isn’t innocent. I was in a long distance relationship. It was real. We had been saving to live together but no matter what, the time just never would come. And truthfully, with trumps administration, I’m glad it didn’t. I wouldn’t wish a concentration camp on my ex. That wasn’t how it ended.
I’d call and beg to speed this up somehow and we’d fight and fight. I had met someone at work. I admitted I felt I was emotionally cheating. My ex snapped “idc go out together.” Well it was my coworker. I explained I was engaged. And agreed to go out as friends. My coworker was so alluring though, sent me this song [media=https://youtu.be/9U03lnNAVFg]
That first date was amazing. We bowled, played pool and got drinks at a bar. I was getting hammered. The bartender brought me a drink. I chugged it. My coworker said “it’s a sipper.” Looking amused.
But drinking was my escape from a painful relationship. And my coworker stared deep into my eyes. “You gonna kiss me?” I smirked. We kissed. And again. And we got up to leave. I was pretty gone by this point and we headed off to my coworkers place.
I was promised another drink. One made just for me. And I remember being handed it, the smile on my coworkers face watching me. I look back on it. And I think i almost died that night. Not long later, I was trying to puke in the toilet and couldn’t. I was out of my mind. We attempted sex and I couldn’t. I begged for the hospital and passed out. I woke to my pulse being checked and passed out. Then woke up cuddling. I was sobering up. Slithered away. Slept on the floor. Well.. tried.
The snow was so bad that next morning. I would have got a ride right then if not like the Jonas brothers lol All I wanted was to leave and when my coworker finally got up, I got a ride. We spoke. I said look I’m in a relationship and that shouldn’t have happened. I want my fiancé. The quietness was felt. It was awkward.
When I got home, I called my fiancé. “I figured with you out all night, but I guess I hoped. It’s over”.
Oh I was devastated. I was relapsing deep into alcoholism. I agreed to continue seeing my coworker but things had changed. I rented a room at a hotel. We watched a movie, talked, drank and had sex. When I woke, I kissed my coworkers forehead. Man it was weird. But I felt myself catching feelings.
Well things got really weird after that. We started arguing and I laughed with another coworker. The rage I felt across the room. Rumors started. Soon I was the bad guy.
I transferred to a different area at my job and started seeing another coworker. Same shit really only my alcoholism was really becoming apparent. I started sleeping around on bumble. And ruining that too because in a drunken rage I’d discuss my exes and text back during. Once that ended, I quit my job and started an alcoholism recovery program. And I’m over 2 months sober now. With the state of the country, I’m scared. How I’ll afford my medications.
My ex and I never really stopped speaking. The long distance one. And I haven’t had sex in a long time. Months.. I’ve changed a lot. And my ex keeps asking about the two coworkers. Sorta comparison like. I dodge those questions just saying it’s over and I’ve moved on.
But again, with how things are, we’ll never be able to be together. I think we both know that. I don’t know why we still talk. I think there’s this hope. Somehow life will fix everything. And I am stuck.
I’d call and beg to speed this up somehow and we’d fight and fight. I had met someone at work. I admitted I felt I was emotionally cheating. My ex snapped “idc go out together.” Well it was my coworker. I explained I was engaged. And agreed to go out as friends. My coworker was so alluring though, sent me this song [media=https://youtu.be/9U03lnNAVFg]
That first date was amazing. We bowled, played pool and got drinks at a bar. I was getting hammered. The bartender brought me a drink. I chugged it. My coworker said “it’s a sipper.” Looking amused.
But drinking was my escape from a painful relationship. And my coworker stared deep into my eyes. “You gonna kiss me?” I smirked. We kissed. And again. And we got up to leave. I was pretty gone by this point and we headed off to my coworkers place.
I was promised another drink. One made just for me. And I remember being handed it, the smile on my coworkers face watching me. I look back on it. And I think i almost died that night. Not long later, I was trying to puke in the toilet and couldn’t. I was out of my mind. We attempted sex and I couldn’t. I begged for the hospital and passed out. I woke to my pulse being checked and passed out. Then woke up cuddling. I was sobering up. Slithered away. Slept on the floor. Well.. tried.
The snow was so bad that next morning. I would have got a ride right then if not like the Jonas brothers lol All I wanted was to leave and when my coworker finally got up, I got a ride. We spoke. I said look I’m in a relationship and that shouldn’t have happened. I want my fiancé. The quietness was felt. It was awkward.
When I got home, I called my fiancé. “I figured with you out all night, but I guess I hoped. It’s over”.
Oh I was devastated. I was relapsing deep into alcoholism. I agreed to continue seeing my coworker but things had changed. I rented a room at a hotel. We watched a movie, talked, drank and had sex. When I woke, I kissed my coworkers forehead. Man it was weird. But I felt myself catching feelings.
Well things got really weird after that. We started arguing and I laughed with another coworker. The rage I felt across the room. Rumors started. Soon I was the bad guy.
I transferred to a different area at my job and started seeing another coworker. Same shit really only my alcoholism was really becoming apparent. I started sleeping around on bumble. And ruining that too because in a drunken rage I’d discuss my exes and text back during. Once that ended, I quit my job and started an alcoholism recovery program. And I’m over 2 months sober now. With the state of the country, I’m scared. How I’ll afford my medications.
My ex and I never really stopped speaking. The long distance one. And I haven’t had sex in a long time. Months.. I’ve changed a lot. And my ex keeps asking about the two coworkers. Sorta comparison like. I dodge those questions just saying it’s over and I’ve moved on.
But again, with how things are, we’ll never be able to be together. I think we both know that. I don’t know why we still talk. I think there’s this hope. Somehow life will fix everything. And I am stuck.
26-30, M
