I feel like I let myself get thrown in a loop

It's been months, maybe even about a year or more and I still keep getting stuck in the same anger and hurt over a stupid crush.

So what happened is that, I had confessed my feelings to a girl I liked, she didn't really give me some kind of answer of how she felt about it, so I stayed quiet about it and just wait to see how things go. We've been quite good friends for awhile but sometimes she does and says things that give me mixed signals and hope that this could be building up to be something more than just friends, yet at the same time, rumors say that she's seeing someone else. I tried asking her directly but only gave me vaguely "no" kind of answers. Until one day she sent me messages on holiday that were really flirty but that made me panic from all the confusion and we kind of fell off at some point due to problems with our friend group. A few weeks passes by, it's valentines day and I check the anonymous letter board in our campus, and I see a letter that I could tell was her hand writing, and it was a confirmation of so many of my doubts and fears, but she was definitely seeing someone else within our friend group.

We are not really friends anymore and my romantic feelings for her have long since faded, yet I still feel so angry and bitter. I would have been happy being just friends if only she didn't string me along like that. I wish nothing but the best for them, yet I sometimes wish they would get hurt like I am right now. Until now, I don't have the answers. Was she playing me all this time? Or was I just a stupid delusional idiot? Did everything we had together was all just me making it up, or was it all shallower than I thought?

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hartfire · 61-69

At that age, young people are still inexperienced, often unsure of themselves, and often fail to communicate clearly.
And some people never discover that it's better to be direct.
Experienced lesbians usually learn pretty early how to flirt and be open and direct with their yeses or no's.

I'd guess several possible reasons for her behaviour.
She didn't feel able to tell you directly that she wasn't interested because she feared hurting your feelings.
Or she felt ambivalent and kept putting off talking about it; sometimes really enjoying flirting, and other times being in a different mood. If this was so, she may be callous, not having anough empathy to be able to put herself in your shoes and imagine your feelings. She might never have been in your position herself.
It could be due to careless selfishness, perhaps even narcissism, mild autism or ADHD.

It is also possible that she might have been playing you - but that takes deliberate calculation.
Some compulsive flirts and sex addicts are like that: they can't let go of any potential future option and will keep others on a string as long as possible, re-dangling fresh bait (hope) whenever the potential's ardour appears to wane. What these types get off on is the egoic rush of others' desires. Their karma catches up with them in old age, when they're no longer physically or otherwise attractive and end up alone.

I guess you'll never know the truth about her, but one thing you have discovered is that if someone's first response isn't an enthusiastic yes, then persuing it is definitely not going to work.

I'm very sorry for your heartbreak, and I hope you soon meet someone worthy of your love.

JamesBugman

It sounds like she was trying to hide it from you so it wouldn't upset you. You were not her first choice, maybe you never had a chance. Anyway, you found out the truth (sadly) and that ended it.
Take it as a learning experience and move on.

SomeMichGuy · M

If ppl screw with you, that's on them, esp. when they know you were "invested".

Lilnonames · F

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