What's the right balance in supporting your partner to become better (and not make her overwhelming)?

I just told my partner not to do something, and then she said I was being too demanding with my expectations. After reflecting on it, I feel like maybe I've been too eager to 'change' her for the better. I realize that my attitude of wanting to 'change' her might also be toxic, but my reasoning is that I do it because I care and love her. I want to know what boundaries I should set so I can still support my partner in becoming better without overwhelming her or making her feel like they're not accepted as she are. What do you guys think?

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JasminD · 22-25, F

I have similar with my partner. She's had a lot of trauma in her life and I'm trying to give encouragement and ease her along. It's a case of playing it by ear, I think.

🫶🏽

easterniowegin · 51-55, M

There are certain activities that can/should absolutely be boundaries. Can't say whether your example crossed a line, since you didn't share what the activity was.

But know that it isn't controlling to say that you'd prefer your gf not do x. Being your gf is not required....she gets to choose whether she maintains that status by her choices.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

Not your job nor place to change her. If you truly care and love her, be there to support her in the changes that SHE wants to make. You’re her partner, not her parent.

Jessmari · 46-50

You don't accept her as she is though. Making her feel is if she is accepted even though she isn't sounds manipulative.

SStarfish ·

It can come off as controlling

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