Do you think my boyfriend has something to hide because he changed his passcode after I went through his phone.

Do you think it’s because he doesn’t trust me or is he trying to hide something? It’s driving me crazy and he has every right to, but gosh dang it’s bothering me so I need to vent.

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Miram · 31-35, F

Maybe he does have something to hide.

Maybe he does not.

But what is certain is that you have boundaries' issues. Trust issues. Inability to control yourself but an urge to excercise control over him.

You are fully aware it is wrong and it hurts him, you would still do it.

This is one of the things that really made me angry towards people back when I was available for dating. It wasn't particularly about phone privacy, but it was fundamentally the same issue. The need to control someone who doesn't want to be controlled that way. Find a person who is into it instead or work on outgrowing it.

That is to say, instead of forcing someone to let you see their phone, date people who are fine with it, and fine with where you are mentally right now.

Don't make his life a nightmare for refusing to let you see his phone or any other differences you have. Let the guy in peace.

amessand28 · 26-30

@Miram I’m not making his life hell. I went through it one time and told me I could look through it any time. But apparently he doesn’t remember it. I’m sick and tired of people commenting and not thinking about what else is going on in peoples lives. Do you think I want to be this way? Because I don’t. It sucks and I am trying so hard to get better. I deserve love just like anyone else. I have a mental illness. That doesn’t make me any less. But I’m sure you like the rest don’t consider everything.

Frostcloud · F

@Miram ^^^ heavy on this. i personally dont like to share my phone with people. some couples share phones with eachother. different people have different boundaries, and instead of making someone fit into your boundary, a healthy relationship should have similiar boundaries and values from the start

Miram · 31-35, F

@amessand28

The biggest indication that your mental illness doesn't take away your free will is your ability to use it to justify your behaviors. This is always a red flag.

You don't need to prove anything to me. You should be reflecting on how you have hurt him. And how instead of learning from it, you're looking for a narrative to do it again. Sometimes the issue isn't just getting better, it is doing better.

Of course everyone is worthy of love. That doesn't really equate seeking out control.

amessand28 · 26-30

@Miram I’m not trying to control him. All I wanted was to see if he treated other women differently because he doesn’t treat me like a girlfriend a lot of the times and never compliments me like ever.

Carazaa · F

@amessand28 If he doesn't compliment you ever, break up. You can do better.