When being casual apparently isnt being casual

A small rant into the universe. I think it's a bit unfair when you have a dating relationship with someone. You both agree on what that is and understand that because of work, distance is involved so agree to keep it emotionally invested but casual and then after things have gone well for almost 8 months are almost given an ultimatum. As in one should start to look for new work and to be local more often or the relationship may not work. I'm frustrated and upset.

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BeefySenpie · M

emotionally invested but casual

These two things seem mutually exclusive

DblRaven · 22-25

@BeefySenpie I can see your opinion and appreciate the post reply. For me it means yes we have been dating, I travel and am gone usually several weeks or longer at a time. We like each other, care about feelings and each others lives and experiences but have respected that I travel and she lives a busy life so no one gets upset when there isnt a daily text or call. It might be two or three days in some cases but doesnt mean we havent cared. Its not vacant of feeling

revenant · F

@BeefySenpie that is what I thought also !

froggtongue · M

An ultimatum like that so quickly? Was there no hints she dropped? Or better yet, a discussion as to her desire to move forward out of the casualness of the relationship so you both may pursue a full fledged one?

DblRaven · 22-25

@froggtongue She stayed over for three nights, we had a great time. I was home and flew out again last day. After we had a walk and coffee she said we need to talk. I want you here more and if you cant be Im not sure what that will mean for us.

froggtongue · M

@DblRaven i guess it's something she has to do. I hope you two come to good terms and figure out all of it as it pertains to your immediate situation.

ViciDraco · 41-45, M

I think being casual might mean different things to different people. I think a lot of people consider casual to mean non-committal or insincere. But seeing your response to other posts, it looks more like emotionally invested but needing to respect each other's space and time. I think your expected arrangement did not used to be that abnormal. People tend to use this technology we have for constant connection and begin to expect immediate response and communication. We've gone from spending time with people we are dating as being a couple times per week to a couple times per hour. Neither career driven people or more introverted people can keep up with that demand.

It really sucks that you established that expectation but your partner has decided to change their own expectations so suddenly.

DblRaven · 22-25

@ViciDraco Thank you for your opinion and post. We were in the very early stages of dating and we spent a weekend together and just said ok what is this going to be and are you sure this works for both of us. Im probably making more of it than it is but it bothered me

ViciDraco · 41-45, M

@DblRaven I think the suddenness of it being an ultimatum is problematic. She probably could have communicated her changing desires and needs better. It doesn't make her bad, but i can understand why it bothers you.

revenant · F

I might be wrong but I am getting the impression that you want more out of that relationship than what your partner does.

MyLegGuy2020 · M

Hello! I sent you a private message in your box. I was wondering if you wanted to chat? Let's talk soon 🙂

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