Who is right and wrong in the situation, my boyfriend or sisters

Poll - Total Votes: 6

Is he a red flag?

Are my sisters being rational

You can only vote on one answer.

Basically my boyfriend and I met through his aunty and uncle who are close to my 2 sisters and I, but we are friends to them and they're more of friends to him as well.In the past 2 years we have had serious car issues where we are getting stuck almost every week or we don't have a car on some days and his aunty and uncle as well as him are always the first people to help us. My boyfriend has grown very close to my sisters and they always joke around with each other, like we call him a klaptomaniac because somehow when he comes home something goes missing and then we find it a day or two later and he definitely didn't take it, but this is the kind of jokes and relationship we have.

We were sitting at his aunty and uncle's house and my older sister said how her car starts without pressing brake and my boyfriend said "you have one of those stupid cars", he was referring to Mercedes Benz because he's a VW and BMW fan and him and I had this discussion before. We all proceeded to speak about how we're all such bad drivers and have knocked the cars, and his uncle said "now I understand why your dad buys you guys shit cars, because he knows you'll mess them up" and my boyfriend said "that is definitely the reason".

My younger sister then approached me and said that my boyfriend is a stranger and if he wants to say nonsense and be rude about my father buying nonsense cars and how he can't afford it then he must say it to my father's face because my father can get new cars and will get us anything we want . And that her and my older sister found it extremely unacceptable and they don't think he should come home anymore because we don't comment on his life or his house and he does that about us.

So I don't know what to do or who's wrong and right in this situation, I feel stuck.

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hartfire

Young people tend not to be good drivers, which is why they have much higher insurance premiums and are better off with 2nd hand cars. An added advantage is if they learn a bit of basic mechanics whenever the car breaks down.

It's not a good idea for others to lend their own car while your boyfriend's car is getting repaired. During that time he should walk, ride a bicycle or catch public transport. This will teach him to become less impulsive and more mindful when driving.

It would be useful to check whether he drinks, smokes weed or does other drugs when driving; if that's a problem he might need help at Alateen, AA or NA.
If drugs are not the issue, perhaps he has undiagnosed ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). If diagnosed, his inattentiveness, poor working memory, impulsiveness and thrill seeking can all be damped down (to nearly normal) with Ritalin.

It is impolite and disrespectful for your boyfriend to refer to anyone else's choice of car as "stupid." Maybe your boyfriend has a chip on his shoulder about your family's affluence.
t's also very poor English; cars don't have brains with which to be stupid or otherwise.
He could could say he thinks a particular type of vehicle is "impractical" for a particular purpose; that's just expressing an opinion, not criticising a person - and he's entitled to his views.

Your younger sister probably loves your Dad and feels uncomfortable when she hears his choices being criticised by your boyfriend. She could say this directly to him of she wishes.
Your boyfriend is definitely not a stranger. A stranger is someone whom we've never met.

Your younger and older sisters have no right to decide which friends you may invite home. They do have a right to express their opinions and preferences, but they cannot actually decide or control what happens. They would not like it if you tried to ban their friends.
Your parents could decide to ban your boyfriend because they own the house and are responsible for your welfare. However, I doubt they would do so just because he doesn't like their choice of car.

Probably the best solution would be for your boyfriend to apologise for being impolite with your family, and say he'll do his best to be more diplomatic in future. But, if he has ADHD or drug problems he will probably be incapable of keeping that promise.

Try to work out what's really going on. Having that many dings is definitely not normal.
Being a "good driver" is not just about paying attention and skill; it's also respecting the the road laws and signs every time and all the time. They are devised, based on evidence, for the purpose of minimising the risks of accidents.

Threepio

Everyone I know started out with "beater" cars.

It is simply a fact of life.

It seems to me that his comment was "off the cuff" and to me it seems as though no harm was intended. = your sisters are way too dramatic. (Jelly perhaps??)

JPWhoo · 36-40, M

Idk, fwiw, it seems kinda strange to me that your sisters got all sensitive about that when they call him “kleptomaniac” all the time.

Leila · 18-21, F

Am I not seeing him as a red flag and they are?

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

You're all are taking it to seriously. Let it pass.

ViciDraco · 36-40, M

It did sort of seem he was making fun of you all and your family situation. I can see how the sisters might get upset but I'm not sure if it's ban from the home levels of problem. So I think your sisters might be right in being offended but maybe overreacting in what the price of the offense should be.

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