Am I more invested than he is?

In conversation my boyfriend was telling me how he hates the city we live in, there’s nothing on this city for him, he hates the people here, has no hobbies here, hates his family that lives here. Then he said if he had the money, he’d move to a different town right now. However, as he was saying this what was going thru my mind is “but I’m here in this city”, “what does he mean he has nothing here he has me, arent I considered something”. I didn’t say anything but I wonder why he feels like he has nothing in this city when I am here. I told him to focus on what he does have versus what he doesn’t have. Then I told him we have each other. I find what he says kind of rude though. Like do I mean nothing to him. We’ve been dating for a few years. Am I overthinking what he says or is his words just straight up rude?

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

Ditch him!
Sounds like a person who doesn't take personal responsibility for where he is in life

View 1 more replies »

ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

@Fifidog sounds like he has some growing to do yet ...

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@ozgirl512 yes he definitely does. I don’t think he found himself yet

ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

@Fifidog move on girl... He needs a mother, not a lover

SW-User

You're probably overanalyzing it. I sometimes say that I want to live elsewhere (actually in another country) to my boyfriend but he doesn't take it personally because he knows I'd want us to move together. Maybe yours is thinking that as well

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@SW-User yes he’s probably thinking that but it just makes me feel a little not important or not very special. And if he was planning on being with me forever wouldn’t he want to take into consideration where I want to live too?

SW-User

@Fifidog yeah but what about the way he feels as well? From what you've written all he's said is that he'd like to live somewhere else. He probably has his reasons lol...doesn't sound like he's made plans to do it without you or whatever

WhateverWorks · 36-40

I get why it would sting, but I think you might be taking it a bit too personal. It’s healthy to want more support and meaningful things going on in their life in general than only having a partner (even when it’s a good relationship).

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

why can’t he have hobbies in the city where he is at now? Seems like he just wants to go somewhere else.

Fluffybull · F

@cherokeepatti Maybe he'll find fault with everything and everyone in the new place. Maybe he's that sort of person ......🤔

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@Fluffybull seems so, hobbies can travel pretty easily

cherokeepatti · 61-69, F

@Fluffybull would be good to know what he says behind you

TexChik · F

Apparently, he's not very bright. And he seems to be taking you for granted.

View 1 more replies »

TexChik · F

@Fifidog He never cared to consider how you would feel when he said he hated everything about your town, and he never thought to say, "except for you". 🤷‍♀️

Fifidog · 26-30, F

@TexChik I know how inconsiderate! Doesn’t he think before he speaks or want to say things to charm me

TexChik · F

@Fifidog Like I said, not too bright.

Fluffybull · F

It's quite possible to love the person you're with but not love the place you're living in. One needs other things as well - friendships, hobbies, right sort of job.

But maybe he's the sort of person who gets fed up of who he is and blames where he is rather than working on himself?

REMsleep · 41-45, F

You might be over thinking it but either way trust your gut. He sounds pretty negative. A person with his mindset can't go anywhere in life so where are you two going together?
If he is soooo unhappy does he have plans to change his situation?
Does he ever say that he is happy with you at other times?
Does he actively point out where he'd like to go and what he'd like to do?
If not he probably is just a negative person stuck in his rut and his attitude may bring you down. He might even be depressed.

Add a comment...