ok help me out here...

so the girl i am with right now. Its kinda complicated. her ex hurt her real bad, he kinda really destroyed her emotionally by using her and blah blah blah. Now she starts telling me yesterday shes angry because her ex with some girl now. she said she is still hurt coz of what he did and the fact that he never apologized or took responsibility of it.

do you think i should think she is still in love with him? coz i didnt like it when she was telling me all that. what should i do here>?

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MaliaAgain · 36-40, F

I wouldnt worry about it like that. It's more like a vengeance type feeling than love. Like how dare he be happy when I still feel broken

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Number5 · 22-25, M

@MaliaAgain oh i see. maybe i misunderstood. i thought she was sad because she didnt want him to date anybody but her. but your explanation makes more sense haha

Number5 · 22-25, M

@MaliaAgain

but she was friends with him after that, and i thought if shes having him as her friend even after all the hurting he did, and now she is upset that he is with someone else. i thought she might be still in love with him

what do you think

SomeMichGuy · M

@Number5 What people think & feel...they are both often a mish-mash. There may well be some part of her which still carries a torch for him, but she also admits a lot of things which, [u]on balance[/u], would seem to show that she disdains him.

In the end, you have to decide whether or not *you* are comfortable with this, which is not her decision to make.

If she is too close to the hurt, she may not be able to fully be a girlfriend to whomever the next person is, and having to be her...healer/therapist can be hard.

So it seems *you* have a decision to make. And it's ok to tell her that she & your relationship are too importamt to *you* for it to be sabotaged or torpedoed by unresolved issues with her ex.

It's too bad that she has such issues. Lots of people here do, too. By talking with others here, you might see thid, and it might help you figure out how to move forward in a world where, perhaps, brokenness is somewhat the norm.

Relationships can be work; good luck on figuring this out.

dubkebab · 51-55, M

The scars of abuse can take years to truly get past and come with many complications.If you are in this for the long run,do what you can to model supportive and nurturing behavior that will allow a safe environment for your partner.Have patience and know that anyone else's mess is not yours,you can enable growth and healing without getting embroiled in petty jealousies and repetitious cycles of bad behavior with some empathy,honesty and effort.Good luck,this stuff ain't easy to work through.It will take time.Communication is key.

Number5 · 22-25, M

@dubkebab thanks man, helped me there.

but she was friends with him after that, and i thought if shes having him as her friend even after all the hurting he did, and now she is upset that he is with someone else. i thought she might be still in love with him

what do you think

Number5 · 22-25, M

@dubkebab dude answer me 😂

Helloeveryone · 56-60, F

I don't think she's in love with him she's just hurt he went forward and she will too soon

Number5 · 22-25, M

@Helloeveryone but she is with me and at the same time she has not moved on? isnt that kinda weird?

SomeMichGuy · M

@Number5 No. People are complex. This is not atypical.

This message was deleted by its author.

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Number5 · 22-25, M

@Helloeveryone i mean.. i know, she couldnt ever be in a relationship with him. but i want her to fall for me, and if shes still hurt about him and has not moved on. do you think shes still involved with me like she should be?

Number5 · 22-25, M

@Helloeveryone coz if shes still into him, that means shes with me coz he didnt want him and i am just some guy who happened to be there when she needed someone

Number5 · 22-25, M

thats what i am upset about.

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