ok help me out here...

so the girl i am with right now. Its kinda complicated. her ex hurt her real bad, he kinda really destroyed her emotionally by using her and blah blah blah. Now she starts telling me yesterday shes angry because her ex with some girl now. she said she is still hurt coz of what he did and the fact that he never apologized or took responsibility of it.

do you think i should think she is still in love with him? coz i didnt like it when she was telling me all that. what should i do here>?

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MaliaAgain · 36-40, F

I wouldnt worry about it like that. It's more like a vengeance type feeling than love. Like how dare he be happy when I still feel broken

Wiseacre · F

Exactly!@MaliaAgain

Number5 · 22-25, M

oh ok

MaliaAgain · 36-40, F

@Number5 I mean I'm still mad at the one thing my ex said nearly 20 years ago

Number5 · 22-25, M

@MaliaAgain oh i see. maybe i misunderstood. i thought she was sad because she didnt want him to date anybody but her. but your explanation makes more sense haha

Number5 · 22-25, M

@MaliaAgain

but she was friends with him after that, and i thought if shes having him as her friend even after all the hurting he did, and now she is upset that he is with someone else. i thought she might be still in love with him

what do you think

SomeMichGuy · M

@Number5 What people think & feel...they are both often a mish-mash. There may well be some part of her which still carries a torch for him, but she also admits a lot of things which, [u]on balance[/u], would seem to show that she disdains him.

In the end, you have to decide whether or not *you* are comfortable with this, which is not her decision to make.

If she is too close to the hurt, she may not be able to fully be a girlfriend to whomever the next person is, and having to be her...healer/therapist can be hard.

So it seems *you* have a decision to make. And it's ok to tell her that she & your relationship are too importamt to *you* for it to be sabotaged or torpedoed by unresolved issues with her ex.

It's too bad that she has such issues. Lots of people here do, too. By talking with others here, you might see thid, and it might help you figure out how to move forward in a world where, perhaps, brokenness is somewhat the norm.

Relationships can be work; good luck on figuring this out.