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I Am Not Your Honey

Or your sweetie
Or your baby
Or your sugar pie, honey bunch, or bae.

In romantic relationships, we tend to develop a private language. We have our inside jokes, our frequently used phrases, and our nicknames.

A nickname is a fun, playful way to express your feelings for your partner and establish a level of familiarity and comfort in the relationship. These terms of endearment run the gamut from classic to cute to bizarre. Pet names like “sweetheart” and “honey” have been around for hundreds of years (since the thirteenth and fourteenth centuries, respectively), while newcomer “bae” is a twenty-first-century invention.

~Grammarly Blog

I admit it drives me a bit crazy when people I do not know think they can just call me honey or sweetie. If you're sending me our first ever private message and your start with "Hey Sexy" because you're too lazy to edit your cut-and-paste message with my name, then do not expect a positive response. 🙄

There are a few (very few) exceptions to this here on SW. A few people I've grown very close to and smile a little when they call me sweetie or something similar. But we've grown into that. We chatted here in stories and in private and developed a relationship of mutual trust and genuine affection. That's when "Jess" gets replaced with something fun and sweet and smile-inducing. 😁

If you want to get there someday, then start with "Jess" because if you start with baby, our relationship will be short-lived. 😒
Top | New | Old
chuck7882 · 61-69, M
I would never call you something disrespectful
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@chuck7882 You never have.

But I don't think it's a matter of being disrespectful. It's more a matter of being presumptuous, right?
chuck7882 · 61-69, M
@IAmJess probably both
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@chuck7882 Yeah, maybe you're right.
Sandcastler · 26-30, M
I understand your reasoning and I agree with you. But annoucing it like this is incredibly conceited.
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@Sandcastler But this is an attempt at a systemic solution ... a public service announcement of sorts.

Treating cases individually is the opposite of a systemic solution and is the most irritating method for the recipient of such messages.
Sandcastler · 26-30, M
But do you think this will stop people from sending you that kind of message?

Maybe I'm wrong.

I think what I really dislike about your post is how you assume that these people are beneath you. I really hate getting messages like that because of how insensitive they are, but I know for a fact that I've done it a few times accidentally just because I wasn't fully considering the implications of my message. Connotation shifts very easily via text, especially with strangers.

Because of the sheer exposure of the internet, even if everyone on here were a mature respectful person, it would only take them making a mistake 1% of the time for lots of people like you to get crappy denominations.

You also have to accept that some women do genuinely like to be messaged like that.

Finally, I'll add that men really don't get compliments. I don't that mean as an exageration. So as a result, men tend to be quite bad a giving compliments, because of lack of feedback.
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@Sandcastler Okay, so let me break the trend here. I LOVE that you disagree with my post and yet have tried to engage me in a respectful conversation about it. This makes me want to know more about you so I will be visiting you profile. You have me intrigued.

As for what you said here, do I think I will change anyone? Idk, maybe not, but I now have a post that I can link to people who message me that way.

And yes, I do know that many women do love being approached this way, but I think that is regional. Like, down south, I think the use of unearned terms of endearment is almost defacto standard. Here in the northeast, not so much.
ChampagneOnIce · 51-55, F
The assumed pet names and terms of endearment are an immediate turn off to me. I'm not your sweetie, or baby, or sexy anything if I don't know you, and we haven't established a friendship. I rarely if ever respond to messages like that. I totally agree with you, honey! :)
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@ChampagneOnIce Thank you sweetie! ;)
vetguy1991 · 51-55, M
What if I call you Jess?
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@vetguy1991 Well then you have my respect and my attention.
vetguy1991 · 51-55, M
@IAmJess I'm glad :)
IAmJess · 22-25, F
Hey sexy.... 🤖
@IAmJess Yeah... Purrrrfect, you pretty girl. 😘
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@Vivaci 🤗
@IAmJess 🤗💕
SW-User
I hate that, I have to give people boundaries sometimes(which I shouldn't have to) but sometimes they like to give me the mushy names right off to start when I barely know them, then it's just weird😨
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@SW-User Yup. Weird and creepy.

Get to know me first. Put *some* effort into a relationship before you pretend we are sweeties!! 🙄
YukiSohma · 31-35, F
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@YukiSohma Ohhh 🤦 Lol, I totally missed that. I thought you were saying there were people who sexualized cartoons like bitmojis. My bad.
YukiSohma · 31-35, F
@IAmJess There probably are, but you aren't a bitmoji, you just have one for your avatar.
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@YukiSohma Yes of course.

*Phew ... I thought my cover was blown for a sec there*
gummybears · F
Well I’m the lucky one then.. because he calls me “sexy face (my name here) poo”
“Poopy head”, “jerk face”, “doll”... 😂😂😂
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@gummybears Oh that's awesome! Give him extra hugs tonight! ;)
gummybears · F
@IAmJess 🤗 this one’s for you
IAmJess · 22-25, F
Livingwell · 61-69, M
I think people are always looking for something bad. There are pervs and assholes here. No doubt. But some of us are truly being kind. And I agree, one might not call one sweetie right off the bat but it also depends on where you live. That term has a couple of meanings but i personally use this one from the dictionary. It first came out in the 1700’s..

“a kind or helpful person : someone who is very nice”. That is all i mean from it. Obviously the other person isn’t my sweetheart. And the sentence context should clearly indicate intent.
emptysoul44 · 46-50, M
How about bitch? Is that one ok?
SW-User
@IAmJess 🤗
emptysoul44 · 46-50, M
@IAmJess would you say you're a happy person? Would you say that your life has turned out the way you wanted it too?
IAmJess · 22-25, F
@emptysoul44 Well, on part one of your question, yes, I'm generally a happy person.

Regarding part two of your question, it's probably too early to tell about how my life is going to turn out, but I think I can say, "so far so good."

 
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